Saying Goodbye
by LindaInDC
Summary: Summary: An alternate storyline path beginning in at that moment where Kate confesses more than she meant to in the Interrogation room, and the aftermath that it rains down on Rick. Not much in the lines of case work on this story, it is more about what happens when a person thinks everything they feel for another is invalidated.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary:** An alternate storyline path beginning in at that moment where Kate confesses more than she meant to in the Interrogation room, and the aftermath that it rains down on Rick. Not much in the lines of case work on this story, it is more about what happens when a person thinks everything they feel for another is invalidated.

**AN: **This story came about as I was having a multitasking moment - watching an episode ("47 Seconds") of my favorite show, Castle, and happened to hear the song, "Say Something" soon after. The seeds of a story idea came to being at that point. What if Rick heard Kate's confession that she remembered, but he didn't handle it in the same way as he did in the episode and remaining episodes of season 4?

Despite any angst, shocking plot-lines and dramatic exclamations of "I can't believe she did that!", know that I am a die-hard shipper, and as such, I promise there _**will**_ be a positive Caskett ending, but the road to that ending is gonna be a little bumpy and maybe even a little shocking and (heaven forbid), even thought-provoking ;). I hope you stick with my story, and as always, feedback is love, and so are follows and favorites. The story is complete, so no worries of me leaving ya hanging! :)

**Thank you:** A big note of thanks to my friend, D, for listening to me hash out the story line into outline form, and even threatening to come to town and tie me to the chair to finish this little story! LOL

**Extra info:** Rick and Kate's inner thoughts and inner dialogue will be italicized for clarity.

**Disclaimer:** This is a work of fan fiction. I don't own the characters related to the TV series, Castle, but there are a couple of mine in here that I do. However, they are too poor to go to acting school, and are just fodder to advance the storyline along. No infringement intended, no profit to be gained, and no harm intended. So there. Now, on with the story.

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**Saying Goodbye **

**Chapter One - Revelations and their Aftermath **

The elevator ride up to the homicide division of the Twelfth precinct of the NYPD was quiet, save for the mechanical hum of the metal car as it slid up towards Richard Castle's destination. Mentally preparing himself, he took several deep breaths and tried to focus on what his end goal for this case would be - finally having a heartfelt talk with Detective Kate Beckett. Sure, he was shadowing her and basing his lead character, Nikki Heat, on her, for his current set of best-selling novels, but funny thing, no matter how many million words he had spun in the interest of creating a best-selling mystery novel, he seemed tongue-tied when it came to sharing his innermost thoughts and feelings with Beckett.

_Kate_. He sighed.

The Boylan Plaza bombing case had been horrific, at best description. Several dead, many injured, and the search for the person or persons responsible and the reason for this senseless destruction was still in progress. Immersed in the tragic loss of life and destruction, reality slapped him hard...he couldn't wait any longer to tell her how he felt.

He loved her... He was IN love with her.

He was fairly certain that she loved him, too, or at least was open to the prospect of being with him, and love could come from that. But as had been the case on several occasions, when he began to tell her, they were interrupted, this time by Detective Kevin Ryan, who needed them immediately, to share information related to the case. So, they agreed to continue the conversation after the case, Kate not knowing what the topic would be, and Rick, dying to open his heart after finally getting the nerve up to do so.

Rick had a late start getting to the precinct, as he was greeted with "Emergency cheering up pancakes" from his daughter, Alexis, who wanted to spend some time with her Dad. She had been impacted by the Boylan Plaza case, as well, since she was interning in the morgue with Lanie Parish, best friend to Kate and the Medical Examiner responsible for the twelfth precinct. So, Alexis, by extension, was sucked into the process of cataloging belongings, moving bodies and helping prep for identification by grieving loved ones. Despite the fact that she was almost a legal adult, and would be graduating high school in a few months, he still felt remorse for her being involved, and felt that it robbed his daughter of some of her innocence, in some way.

The elevator car lurched to a stop and the slight hiss of the doors opening brought Rick back from his thoughts to the present. Immediately, he was assaulted with the frenetic action of the bullpen. Phones rang from every direction, uniforms and detectives alike were moving about with great urgency, as this case was paramount on everyone's plate.

Almost on auto-pilot, Rick maneuvered his way through the bullpen, to Kate Beckett's desk. Finding her not there, he learned from the other team members, Kevin Ryan and Javier Esposito, that there had been a break in the case. Witnesses identified a young man, Bobby Lopez, that had been seen near the epicenter of the bombing. Beckett had him in Interrogation, hoping to get a confession or at least, pertinent information. Rick's pulse increased at the thought of finding the perpetrator of the bombing. Still holding Kate's daily cup of coffee, he padded towards the observation room, where he could watch the questioning unobtrusively through a two-way mirror.

Rick could hear Kate's rich voice, with a slight edge filling the room. She had Bobby ill at ease, as he could tell, by the vacillation of the man's answers. Bobby was claiming he could not remember what happened or how he got the backpack containing the explosives, that it must be some sort of trauma-induced amnesia.

Growing more frustrated and afraid, Bobby exclaimed, "I swear I don't remember!"

Castle nodded, he could see Kate circling in, and waiting with anticipation about how she would tear his story apart, to get to the truth.

Kate slid off per perch on the table next to Bobby and then circled back on him. She was tired, irritated and with the precision of a laser, stated, "The hell you don't remember! Do you wanna know trauma? I was shot in the chest, and I remember every second of it...And so do you!"

Rick Castle stopped nodding immediately.

The words coming from Kate hit him like an atom bomb, stripping away the outer layers of himself, to expose and destroy his hope, his innocence of love for this woman. His heart shattered beyond repair. He could scarcely breathe at first, let alone speak. He could not even feel anything, as he stood there trying to grab onto some shred of reality, to save himself. He could see Kate run her hands through her hair, obviously perturbed at revealing personal information to a suspect. But it really didn't register with him. He finally was able to find his voice. Seconds had only passed, but it felt as if he were glued to that spot for days.

His heart broken, hurt rampaging through him, he quietly spoke aloud to himself, "All this time...you remembered?"

Richard Castle was many things, and apparently a fool was on that list, as well. His pride destroyed, he was ashamed at his schoolboy crush on Kate Beckett. She had been shot many months before, by a sniper at Captain Roy Montgomery's funeral, and Rick was the first one to her. As she lay on the soft grass of the cemetery, bleeding slowly to death from a bullet wound to her chest, he could not hear the calamity around them, he could only see her. Holding her, begging her to remain conscious, he acted to tell her his true feelings. "Stay with me. I love you, Kate. Kate, I love you." Her eyes folded closed as she became unconscious. So close to death, she was saved, and asked to see him after the heroic measures to save her life. She claimed she did not remember anything about the shooting or after, until after she awoke in the hospital. Rick had no reason to not believe her.

Until this moment.

_God, what a fool I've been_, Rick thought to himself. She lied to him. It must have been because she didn't love him back. The only thing that came to mind was that he had to get out of there.

Now.

Numbly, he slipped silently out of observation, back to the bullpen, to return to the elevators. He noted the heat filling his hand - he still had a hold of the goddamned cup of coffee he brought Beckett. What a joke. He wanted to throw it against the closest wall, but he didn't want to bring more attention to himself, he just wanted to get the hell out of this building. Walking past the chair he had become so familiar to occupying over the past four years, he placed the cup of coffee on her desk, and kept going, speaking just enough to the boys to let them know he was going. The closing swish of the elevator doors dramatically drew Richard Castle's time at the Twelfth Precinct to an abrupt close.

Rick had arrived by cab, but he didn't want to go home yet. He couldn't. Rick didn't want to be found, or "talked to" by anyone just now. Stepping onto the sidewalk, the cool March air nipped at his skin, but he didn't focus on the temperature outside. He needed to think. He craved time to try and put what had just happened into some perspective, and he couldn't do that at home. Trying to get away from the precinct, he just began walking. He faded into the milling people on the sidewalks of New York, the site where he gained his broken heart, growing smaller and smaller in the distance behind him.

Rick walked for many blocks, just looking ahead. He was nearly struck by a cab as he almost walked right out in front of the vehicle. He honestly didn't see it, and frankly, didn't care. He could feel nothing at the moment but shame at how he had hung on Beckett's heels, like some sappy, love struck idiot, praying for the day she'd notice him. He came to an entrance for the subway. Paying cash for an unlimited ride card, Rick picked the closest train and got on board. The stale stench of body odor and sweat hit him as he progressed through the subway car, making his way to the very last row, and dropped tiredly onto the worn hard plastic seat. Reaching into his pocket, he turned his phone off, not wanting to be bothered right now. The car lumbered forward, starting its destination to deliver its occupants to their desired stops.

Except for him. He had nowhere he needed or wanted to be right now.

Rocked by the sway of the tracks, he allowed himself to recall the events of the morning briefly, as he tried to see it again, to be certain as to what he heard, and what the implications meant. His inner self begged for it all to be some big miscommunication, some misunderstanding that if he just retraced the steps of the morning, would reveal his error. But that was not to be. His recollection was crystal clear and it hurt just as much as it had when it happened, just a short time ago.

How had it all been a lie? How had he fallen so for the beautiful detective, and misread her intentions, at the same time? He knew that when they first met, there was so much friction, that it seemed that she couldn't decide if she wanted to arrest him or drop kick him for several weeks into their now erstwhile collaboration. He thought that with all that friction, he could feel sparks, as well. Their chemistry had been one of the things that drew him to her, to want to know the whole story, and to share it in some way in the form of Nikki Heat. He thought back to the times that he could have sworn that there was more building between them than cop and writer, partner or even as just friends - the trip to LA, where they were so close on that sofa, and talking of how he initially found her to be a mystery he would never solve; the talk in the isolation trailer, where she shared how she wanted someone to dive into things together with her; the bank robbery where she snuck in as a paramedic, and held his hand, promising that she would get him out, and then the clear look of happiness when she found him and his fellow hostages safe and sound. Also, then he recalled the kiss they shared while looking for Espo and Ryan, that they never discussed afterwards.

How had he been so wrong? The phrase, "_Love is blind_," filled his head at that moment. He had let his heart overwrite reality, it seemed. He misread every situation, every moment that she had shown him any consideration, friendship, or even just human kindness, as something more, and now he sat here, feeling like an utter sap. Rick's mind at that moment, went back to the night at Kate's apartment, where he went to her to convince her to step away from her mother's murder case. Not only had she refused, she reminded him that it was not his concern. When he pressed to talk about why he wanted to talk to her about what they were to each other, she called him the funniest kid in the schoolyard, and that her life, along with her heart, were apparently off limits, and at that, threw him out.

At that moment, he had an epiphany. Kate Beckett did not return his feelings, and had not ever been interested in a relationship with him. Hell, if he thought about it, he could probably see that she didn't even consider him a friend. His self-loathing convinced him that he had misread each moment they shared as more than work encounters, although a few had been of some highly stressful situations. He could not believe that it had taken him so long to see it, but he had been mired in the false hope of one-sided love.

He was deeply in love with Kate Beckett, but at that moment, he could see that she didn't love him back, that she'd never feel that way about him. The enlightenment made his heart hurt. Sure, he had been slow, but he saw it all now clearly, and for the first time, he got it. Rick's thoughts came to him at once. He could not work at the Twelfth along side as a colleague or more likely as a pain in the ass shadow to Kate Beckett. It would be painful to him, as he enjoyed the case work and camaraderie, but a clean break would be for the best, as he could not spend another minute with her, watching her live her life without him any longer, and possibly finding herself in another romantic relationship with someone other than himself. He thought to the things that he had left at the precinct - those Russian stacking dolls, his newest pair of sunglasses, and a few other knickknacks. She could toss them or whatever she wanted to do with them, he considered them forfeit at this point, and nothing that he couldn't either replace or need to toss, due to the emotional connection to Beckett.

His decision set in his mind, he looked up and realized that it was now the afternoon. He had been riding the train for hours. And although this rickety tin can had afforded him time to think about the situation, he was not out of the woods yet concerning his broken heart. He felt insignificant, and he knew that he was also embarrassed a bit, too. He needed to get away, to somewhere that did not have memories associated with...her, so he could try to get over her. Rick wiped the "angry tears" moisture that he discovered had accumulated on his cheeks with his hands and then dried his hands on his pants leg. Seeing the train slowing into a station, Rick stood and made his way to the nearest door that would soon slide open. Stepping off the train car and onto solid ground of the underground platform, he made his way to the entrance of the station. Hailing a cab, he got in and directed the cabbie to his home.

It was time to move on. He had things to take care of, he had somewhere to be, and now was as good a time as any to begin project "Un-love Kate".

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**To be continued in the next installment! **

**In the next chapter:  
**

-Will Rick seek out an online dating site to help him get over Kate?

-Will Kate use the stacking dolls for target practice?

-Will Rick ever want to set foot on the subway again?

-Will Alexis cook us all some Emergency Cheering up pancakes, too?**  
**

These questions and more may be answered in the next installment! ;)

**I will try to update every day or two, depending on wifi access as I travel, etc. **

**And as always, feedback is King! Thanks in advance for reading this story! :)  
**


	2. Chapter 2

Hi all! Thanks so very much for the reviews, follows and favorites!

I am blown away by just how many people from LITERALLY all over the world took time and read my first chapter! Thanks to all of you! Please keep those reviews, follows and favorites coming! :)

And now, without further adieu, here is chapter two…

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**Chapter Two - On the Move**

The sunlight of the late afternoon March day shone in Castle's eyes. He inwardly cursed not remembering his new sunglasses, and pulled the sun visor down to block the glare from the afternoon sun. The white lines of the Long Island Expressway began to fly under a nondescript black SUV. The two hour plus trip would lead from New York to the Hamptons, regardless of the emotional state of the SUV's driver, Rick mused to himself as he passed a slower vehicle. He sat in the traffic of all the souls leaving the city, and allowed himself to play the remainder of the afternoon in his mind, after leaving the subway station for his home.

Rick entered his loft and made a beeline for his bedroom. He was on a mission, and didn't want to be deterred, even by Alexis or his mother, come to think of it. Pulling an expensive russet leather duffel bag from his closet, he threw in a few necessities. He had clothes in his Hamptons home, but they were for more warmer seasons, so he'd have to improvise with a few items from the loft. He wasn't planning to socialize, so it was just the bare necessities that he had in mind. The entire trip was meant to be under the radar - the last thing he needed was paparazzi buzzing his home for a shot of the brokenhearted creator of Nikki Heat. He would tell no one of his plans, and furthermore, would take some lessons learned from the good old NYPD - no credit cards, a burner phone and keep away from people and cameras.

Going to the safe in his office, Rick pulled out a large amount of cash, and a pay as you go phone that he had bought once with cash, but never used, back when he had thought he should be prepared for any surprises. He threw his passport in his bag, just in case - if might save him a trip back, should travel abroad be in the cards. He debated taking his gun from the safe, but decided against it. Closing the safe, he shoved everything into the bag, except for about $2,000 cash, which he placed into his wallet. Zipping the duffel bag closed, he turned to his desk to begin a note to his mother and Alexis. The front door opening and then closing caught his attention.

_Damn._

"Richard, is that you?" Martha Rodgers called out in the direction of his office. The light was on, and she assumed it was her son, although he was home early. She paused a moment to remove her pumps, then began walking towards the office, her bright green flowing skirt moving in the breeze behind her as she padded over towards his inner sanctum. Rick looked up in time to see his mother coming through the office door. Quietly, he looked up to acknowledge her, "Hello, Mother."

"What's this? Are you and that gorgeous detective going away for a vacation?" Martha quipped as her eyes landed on the duffel resting on the far side of the desk.

Rick lowered his head, looking to gather strength to have this conversation. He hoped that he could have done this on paper, and just glossed over to the important facts of taking care of Alexis and the loft until he returned. Fate, however, had different plans. Taking a deep breath and steeling his resolve, he responded, "No, Mother. As it turns out, Beckett does not share my feelings. In fact, she never did. So, I've severed ties with the Detective and her cronies at the Twelfth, and I'm going to go away for a bit to figure out where I am going with the Heat series."

Martha was taken aback. "What? I thought for sure that you two were moving towards something more personal. That there was more than the books going on. Where are you going and for how long?"

"Well, we were both duped. Kate heard me tell her that I loved her in the cemetery, but she lied to me that she didn't remember. She doesn't feel the same for me, and I don't think that's going to change. I need to clear my head. I don't know exactly how long I'll be gone, but to be honest, I can't say where I'm going. I haven't made my mind up yet. I had an offer to go to the Florida Keys for a few days from one of my writer buddies, I might take him up on it." He didn't mean to lie, but he just wanted to be alone, and if anyone asked Martha, she could honestly say that she didn't know.

Martha was crushed for her son. She saw the pain on his face, and knew that she was helpless to end it. "Darling, are you sure that running away is going to help? Move on, and find a healthy relationship, that is the best thing for you. I know that you loved Beckett, but you have to move on, if she doesn't feel the same."

Rick lifted the bag onto his shoulder as he walked over and hugged his mother. "That's what I'm trying to do. But there are too many memories, too many opportunities for her to pop up in my head here. I'm not running away, so much as trying to save myself. Please look after Alexis. My phone is turned off, but I'll let you know when I get to where I'm going. Email me if you need to get in touch with me. I'll check it at least every evening. And mother, please don't mention this to anyone, not Alexis, not...Kate." His voice dropped off, as he realized that he spoke her name, as if she would be concerned.

Martha hugged her son tightly, trying to infuse him with some strength for his pain. "Be safe, Richard. I hope you find what you are looking for."

"Me too, Mother." He shifted the bag and added, "Whatever that is. Hug Alexis for me." With that, he strode steadily to the front door and out of the loft.

Martha did not shed many tears in her life outside of a role she played, but at that point, she cried for her son, and prayed that he would heal and be able to find a happier path. She cried too, as she felt a loss of the friendship of Katherine Beckett. She just couldn't believe that the young woman would deceive her son and the whole family that way. How was it possible? Something in her gut told here that there may be more to the story, but as Richard's mother, she didn't know if she could be objective enough to talk to the woman who held her son's heart.

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Rick arrived in Southampton and pulled over to purchase some food and supplies for a few days. Normally he had people he would call to ensure that the house was stocked for his visits, but frankly, he didn't want anyone to know he was here, so he left the Ferrari at his loft and opted for his lesser used SUV. He picked it up just after the case work with Agent Jordan Shaw, with thoughts of turning it into a mobile unit to help with investigations, only to be told that the city would not allow him to use it in that capacity, as he was only slotted to perform the role of observer in their eyes.

Pulling on a cap he had in the vehicle, he entered the mom and pop store, and purchased several days of staple goods, snack foods and other basic supplies. Paying cash, he placed the items in the vehicle when he spotted the liquor store just next door. Going over to the store, he purchased a case of whiskey with cash, faking a laugh when the store owner joked about him having a party. Carrying the case of bottles to the SUV, he placed them in the back, and then before continuing on, filled up the SUV's gas tank, paying cash for the gas, as well, at the small corner gas station.

It was quite late in the afternoon when Rick found his way to his house. Quickly, he emptied the contents of the SUV into the foyer of the house and then pulled the vehicle into the garage, and closed the door. He tossed his duffel on the sofa in the front sitting room, and placed the purchases on the kitchen counter, then pulled out a bottle of whiskey and a glass, and made his way out to the back patio, turned and then decided to sit at the pool, flipping an area heater on as he passed. Up to now, he'd been task oriented, making one step and then the next, to keep himself going, his thoughts hidden. Now, here in the relative quiet, the thoughts were screaming in his head. Sitting down on the side of a lounge chair, he poured a large amount of whiskey into the glass, taking a long drink and draining it dry. The pain and anger surged forward in his mind, and he just reacted. The glass shattered against the side of the pool house as he tossed it with every ounce of strength he could muster. He took the cap off the whiskey bottle and tossed it onto the ground, and began to drink straight from the bottle, trying to nurse the pain away. The burn as the fluid filled his throat and stomach was comforting, in a way.

The setting sun filled the late winter sky with pinks and golds, and the light blue of daylight began to ebb into the inky midnight of evening. Rick sat there, easily able to see the beauty in the sky. He lay on the lounge chair, covered in a blanket from the pool house, staring up at the stars that were beginning to twinkle in the dark sky, trying to learn how he could just turn off the love he felt for Kate Beckett. The pain in his head and his heart were encompassed by the warm floating sensation that the whiskey brought, and the writer soon fell himself asleep, but rest did not come, as it is a fitful, restless slumber.

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Boy, Rick is really having a rough go of it, isn't he? ;)

To be continued in the next installment! Stay tuned for more angst and drama! (Boy, that really makes it sound appealing, huh? LOL)

Thanks in advance for your reviews, follows and favorites!


	3. Chapter 3

Hi everyone! Thank you so very much for the feedback, follows and favorites. Keep 'em coming! :) I have tried to answer most, and if I've missed you, I will circle back, as I know that you don't have to give me reviews, and I value each and every one.

So, as requested, here is the first time we see Kate's POV in this story. She's stuck between the case and trying her best to stick her head in the sand regarding Castle.

Please note, I am a HUGE Kate, Rick and Caskett fan. I will never trash a character, but am simply trying to provide another path that our fabulous duo could have taken other than Jacinda and the Limey, etc.

So, settle in, and I hope you enjoy this next installment!

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**Chapter Three - Unknown Loss**

Detective Kate Beckett slowly made her way out of Interrogation, back into the hustle of the bullpen. She'd had tougher interviews, there had been more challenging adversaries, sure, but this one was different.

_Rookie move, sharing what you did_, she internally chastised herself at the spontaneous confession. _At least Rick wasn't in there_, she continued in her innermost thoughts. She felt a pang of guilt at that thought. He told her that he loved her, and wanted her to know it, in case she didn't make it. _And I lied, telling him I didn't remember. Why? Nothing good was ever built on a lie. I know I had to work on myself first, to be ready for him, for...us. I want to be with that frustrating jackass!_ The last of her thoughts caused her to smile, familiar warmth flushing her cheeks. She loved Rick, and deep down, she knew that the truth needed to come out, at some point, before she could truly be free to love him like she really wanted. She determined in herself to have that talk as soon as this case was over. It was overdue.

"Hey," she said to the boys as she drew near her desk. She explained to them that Bobby had not yet cracked, so she was going to let him sweat it out for a bit. As she reached her desk, she saw the cup of coffee resting there, losing heat by the minute.

Castle, his name rolled into her mind.

"Is Castle here?" Beckett asked as she felt the cup of java. It was warm, not hot.

"He was here, for a short time, then all of a sudden came by and said he had some things to take care of." Esposito replied, still looking down at the paper forms he was attempting to complete.

Kate found this to be odd. He would have told her if he had someplace to be. She felt a quiet but odd feeling in her gut. The thought, _Could something be wrong?_ came to mind, but she quickly dismissed it, crediting her general level of fatigue for making her oversensitive.

Grabbing her phone, she sent a quick text to Castle.

**Sorry I missed you. Thanks for the coffee. Get some rest tonight. Will I see you tomorrow?**

She paused a few seconds, expecting a reply, but none came. Kate sighed quietly, then put her phone away. Ryan approached her as she slipped her phone in her pocket. He was bearing a bag of wallets and cell phones. This gave them a new look into Bobby - he was a pickpocket.

Knowing that she had what she needed to get more information from him, Kate made a beeline back to Interrogation to talk to Bobby once again.

Taking a different approach, Kate learned that the pickpocket lifted the anti-protester Andrew Haynes' cellphone, and then stole Jessie Friedman's backpack containing the bomb. After being chased by the protest organizer, Bobby dropped it at the flag pole, only moments before it caused such devastation.

The case seemed to move ahead somewhat, but the group lacked Castle's insight, and his creative thinking, and the pace was slow in making any connections that would stick. Kate worked late into the evening, even past the boys' time in the precinct. Part of her was focused on the case, but another part of her was thinking about Castle. He never answered her, and that was unusual. He always responded, even if it was hours later, with a smart aleck response or an apology.

Giving up for the night, Kate packed up and made her way home. She was tempted to call her partner, but looking at the time, she opted against it, as she would see him in the morning.

Kate shuffled rapidly through her mail. None of it was time-sensitive, so she tossed it onto the pile on the table to address on her next day off. She made a piece of toast and slathered some jam on it as she checked for messages on her phone, and was disappointed when none were from Castle. Finishing her toast, she made her way to the bathroom, showered quickly and changed into yoga pants and a sleep shirt. As she slid beneath the covers, she thought about how tomorrow would be. She'd imagined that she would be caught up in the case, as usual, and then the writer would come in and gift her with a perfect cup of coffee, as usual, and then make her smile with his wonderful sense of humor.

_Yes_, she decided, _all would be ok with a bit of sleep._

The elevator doors to the Twelfth Precinct Homicide Division slid open to reveal Kate Beckett. She made her way to her desk a little later than she had planned, as she hit the snooze on her phone a few extra times. She hurried in preparation to get to work, but none the less, she was late. Castle should be in already, that's how late she was - she thought to herself as the frustration rolled off her. Practically running to her seat, Ryan was the first to catch site of his superior and friend. "Well, so glad you decided to come in. I thought you'd caught the 'late to everything bug' that Castle seems to have, but you still beat him in." He stated, with a smug grin.

She looked at the time. "Castle's not here?" She queried, concern niggling at the back of her mind.

"Nope. Guess he must have found something or someone more interesting to do than be with us." Esposito said with a teasing tone.

Kate was trying her best to hide it, but she hurt at the thought that he might be with someone else. He seemed content to wait for her, so why look elsewhere now?

_Because you waited too long!_ The voice in her head that sounded like Lanie announced sharply. Kate flinched slightly at the sharp jab from her subconscious.

"Nah, he loves us too much to cheat on us, right Beckett?" Ryan said, trying to add a little levity with a big grin on his face.

Kate decided to focus on the day and not worry about Castle. "Right. Besides, who would want him but me...and you guys?" She tried to keep the grimace off her face at her comment, which was a partial Freudian slip. Castle would be in. Maybe he's just running late again, especially since Gates has him reviewing case files for information, after all. The detective thought to herself.

Taking no more time from the case to fret over a tardy writer, Kate and the boys put their heads down into checking for leads to find whomever was responsible for the Boylan Plaza bombing. But a cup of coffee first to clear out the cobwebs suited her just fine, so before digging in, Kate made a beeline for the break room to fix a cup.

Kate's eyes were bleary. She had said no more than 50 words since getting her first cup of coffee this morning. Leads were plenteous, due in part to the news coverage this story drew. Problem was, most of them were wackos and nut jobs, looking for a few seconds of fame. They were keeping them away from the real story at hand.

_Story._

_Castle._

The word made the detective think of her partner. The muscles in her neck protested when she looked up at the clock. 10:05am. _This was not like him_. She knew that he was taking the case hard - he had looked stricken as they walked through the carnage, seeing the multiple bodies of the dead and injured. It was enough to shake anyone, let alone a very sensitive writer who was also a father. She loved him for that.

_Wait...loved?_

_You might as well stop lying to yourself and quit fighting this. You love him. Don't you think its time that you stop putting up all this resistance and for once pick him? He can make you happy. You deserve to be happy. Sweetie, one day you're gonna look around and find that he's moved on._ The memory of a recent girls' night with Lanie came to mind, and she could hear the M.E.'s voice in her head loud and clear.

The words in her head faded away as she realized that she had her phone in hand and had dialed his number. Placing the phone to her ear, her heart began to beat faster as it clicked, only to be disappointed when the call went immediately to voicemail. The message ended and the beep sounded.

"Hey Castle, I was just checking in with you. Are ya comin' in today? Let me know, ok? Talk to you later." With a finger press, she ended the call. What was Castle up to that he hasn't called or checked in?

Her thoughts were abruptly ended, at the stern sound of her name being called by Captain Gates. "Detective Beckett, a word, please?"

The morning ended, and the trio of detectives had a working lunch, eating as they continued their research, trying their best not to spill food on case files. Kate looked up at the clock again. It seemed like only minutes ago, but she was shocked when the clock read 5:30pm. There had been more leads that were not all together worthless, and the small team had been tirelessly working on them all afternoon.

**Hey, is everything ok? No word from you... Ryan's getting a complex, thinking you don't like him anymore. Check in, please?**

Kate sent the text and like the other, it went unanswered. She began getting stronger feelings that something wasn't right. If he were missing, Martha or Alexis would have called, asking me to help locate him. She reasoned internally.

But she couldn't do much more than call and text right now. City Hall was putting a lot of pressure on the department to find those that are responsible and Gates had basically sequestered every uniform and gold shield in the place to work every lead in this case.

He must be writing, and trying to come to grips with all this. It's not as if he has to be here with us...but it's very good when he is. Kate's internal dialogue only served to make her miss the writer that much more. Her reasoning was almost desperate. She spared a glance over to his chair once more- who knows how many times it made that she did in the past few hours. She just wished she knew what was going on with him.

_He'll probably be in tomorrow, he just needs some time to think and make peace._ Kate rolled one last thought about the writer about in her head. She thought it, but she' didn't believe it, either.

She allowed her mind to go back to the conversation she had with Gates earlier in the day.

Kate was summoned to enter, as she pushed the heavy wood and glass door to enter the office. Gates was sitting behind her desk, her glasses perched properly on her nose as she reviewed a series of DD5s. She nodded for Kate to take a seat, as she pulled the glasses from her face, tossing them down casually on top of the unfinished reports.

"Where's Mr. Castle today? I noticed that he seems to not be around much for this case. Is this not interesting enough for his commitment?" Gates asked Kate, not waiting for her to settle fully in the chair.

Kate pulled out her best poker face before she answered, "No, Sir. He was here a good deal at the start of the case. But he had a deadline with his publisher, and unfortunately, he had to stay out to meet the deadline." Hopefully, she was convincing.

Gates leaned forward, resting her arms on the desk. "I don't believe that for a second. I have eyes, Detective. I can see you looking at the clock and then over at his chair all day, like you are worried about something. I don't expect you to tell me what that is, but I do expect you to keep it out of this precinct, or I'll have him banned from here faster than he can say 'City Hall', are we clear?"

Kate was flummoxed. She had no idea that it was that obvious. "Crystal, Sir. Is there anything else?"

"Just that this case takes precedence over everything right now, and I mean everything. 1PP is hungry to wrap this up, so that means that family time, play time, or whatever else comes to a halt until this is finished." Gates said, and then sat back in her chair, and slid the glasses firmly back in place, thus ending the conversation. Her pride a bit wounded at the minor lashing from Gates, Kate exited her Captain's office, and strode purposefully to her desk, grabbing her jacket, swinging it onto her shoulders.

"Hey, Beckett, where you going?" Ryan asked, surprised that the woman was leaving before anyone else.

Kate answered as she struggled and pulled the jacket onto her arms, settling it in place. "I'm going over to check on Rick. He's not returned any of my calls or texts, and that's not normal. Something's up."

Esposito, sensing her concern, but feeling pretty confident that her going to the loft was a bad idea, interjected, "Beckett, listen. Go home, give Castle another evening. He's a guy. Sometimes, we guys just need time to sort things out, OK? Let him work through whatever is going on, and he'll come around."

Espo's words deflated Kate. Taking a deep breath, she let the oxygen flow though her before she made her reply, "Maybe you're right."

"Of course I am." Espo smiled and patted her on the arm in support. This gave her a small smile. She didn't like Castle's silence, but maybe he didn't need to be pressed just yet. and he'd come around on his own.

But the problem was that she didn't believe it, and that gave her further cause for concern.

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To be continued in the next chapter. We'll see more Kate and the boys, and the realization that Rick isn't just tied up with his writing… As always, I look forward to your favorites, follows and reviews! :)


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks to everyone that has reviewed, favorited and/or followed this story. It means a lot! So, without further delay, I give you chapter Four… 

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**Chapter Four - Missing**

The next day, Kate was back at work bright and early, energized and determined to find something that they had overlooked. The morning sun peeked in through the windows of the precinct, long after she had arrived and taken her place at the murder board. Time and again, she played out the scene in her head. She reviewed each bit of information on the board, trying to look for any connection that they might have previously overlooked. This is how Ryan and Esposito found her when they arrived.

"Oh no, she's gone all "beautiful mind" on us again!" Kevin exclaimed in mirth, loudly enough for Beckett to hear.

"No, but I figure since the two of you are sleeping in late and generally lost, that somebody had to do all the heavy lifting." Kate joked back, as the boys traded amused looks with the senior detective.

Curiosity got the best of Javi. "So, what ya got?"

Kate said, "Nothing new, but we have to be able to put the pieces together from what we know and the witness statements. Something we've overlooked, maybe. So, let's go through it again. The trio started again from the beginning. Leann and her cameraman set up for a live shot. She teased the grumbling cameraman, promising the next bit to be a piece on Brazilian runway models. Leann said 'roger that', then removed her earpiece and began the broadcast. At the same time Bobby was sneaking around looking for easy pockets to pick. He ran into Andrew Hayes, who was harassing the crowd of protestors. He took his phone with ease, faking an accidental collision. They both continued on with their business. Bobby then spotted another opportunity - a backpack just sitting there. So, he snapped it up, not knowing the contents.

"So the protest organizer, Jessie Friedman tried to stop him, but Bobby took off and he grabbed a guy in a black sweatshirt, thinking it's Bobby," Ryan supplied, to keep the momentum going.

"Right, but it's Andrew Haynes, instead." Kate answered. She thought a bit more, then added, "So Bobby decides to lose the backpack and keeps running, and manages to bump into the women, knocking the coffee out of one's hand, and the drummer sees the action."

Espo, caught up in the discussion, supplied, "Jessie was frantically trying to get a hold of the trigger man, to stop the explosion since the bag was in the middle of a crowd. He tried to call, but the phone was off, and then the explosion goes off in front of him."

Ryan is wracking his brain, trying to think of a new angle. "So who is the person on the other end of the call?"

"Obviously the same person he called to tell them it was good to go." Kate supplied.  
Thinking for a second, Kate's face lit up as she spoke. "I know who did it!"

Hard work and general determination eventually paid off for the team of detectives. Leann West was arrested and taken into custody by the FBI. The shocked look on the reporter's face when her throw away cell and remote detonator had been found was classic - she was caught and no manner of deflection was going to help her now. Her greed and ambition led her to kill five people who were innocently in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Once the prisoner was booked and transferred to the FBI, Captain Gates called everyone into a group to thank them all for their hard work. Standing in the middle of the bullpen, Gates offered, "The officers and detectives at the Twelfth showed their dedication to finding justice for the victims and their families." Turning slightly to face Kate, Captain Gates continued, "Such drive for justice could never be upheld or appreciated by those who aren't cops. I am proud of each and every one of you here today." She then told them all to head home and get some much needed rest, and spend time with those closest to them.

Kate knew that the pointed comment about dedication was aimed directly to her about Castle. She could feel her hackles rising. _This will be wonderful fuel for Gates to use to try and fight Castle's presence in her precinct._

Her thoughts were interrupted when Gates called her name. "Detective, a word, please?"

Kate followed her into her office. Gates began immediately. "Detective Beckett, first off, let me say a personal thank you to you and your team for heading up our side of the investigation. Your leadership helped break this case wide open. There will be a commendation from the Mayor's office for you, personally, Detective. I'll let you know when it will be."

"Thank you, Sir. That's not really necess.." Kate began, until Gates interrupted, her hand raised to stop the junior cop's deflection.

"Nothing of the sort, Detective. You, Esposito and Ryan put in quite a few hours on this case. As a thank you, I want you and the team to pack up and take the rest of the week off. I don't want to see you until next Monday." Gates instructed, then added, "And if Mr. Castle is done with his writing by then, tell him that I am disappointed in his lack of participation. All hands on deck should have included him, as well."

"Thank you. Sir, about Castle..." Kate began, to be interrupted.

"I don't want to talk about Mr. Castle any further. Go home, Detective. That's an order." Gates stated, her raised eyebrow projecting a semi-stern look on her face.

Walking back to her desk, Kate collected her things, shared Gates' instructions with her team and then left. She decided to head to the morgue and say hi to Lanie before going home, since she hadn't seen much of her friend in the past few days. Stepping through the doors of the morgue, there was no one in the exam area, the cold stainless tables sitting unoccupied in the middle of the room. She could hear stirring in the next room, and before she could move any closer to the sound, she was slightly startled when Alexis entered the room. The young woman looked so eager to please in her crisp scrubs, her red hair pulled back and so intent on whatever was on the clipboard she was holding, she did not see the detective standing there in front of her.

"Alexis? What are you doing here?" Kate asked, seeing her here was like a breath of relief. If something were wrong with Castle, she wouldn't be here.

The redheaded girl startled at her name. No one was supposed to be in the exam area, and so she wasn't expecting to hear her name called. "Oh! Detective Beckett, sorry you startled me."

Kate studied her expression before speaking, looking for any signs of trouble. She found only slight fatigue. "Sorry," She apologized, "I was looking for your father. Is he at home?"

Alexis furrowed her brow at the woman as she replied, "Isn't he with you?"  
Kate shook her head as she responded, "No, he's not been here for over 3 days."

"What?" Alexis asked, her face full of confusion. "How can that be?"

Kate was confused, as well. "Haven't you seen him?" Kate felt that this was quite odd-he wouldn't just not talk to his daughter.

Alexis shook her head, then spoke, "No, I was staying over at a friend's house, trying to decompress from all this for the last couple of days. I'm supposed to be home when I'm off this afternoon, though." As she spoke, she pulled out her cell and dialed, waiting for a response. Identical to Kate, she got voice mail immediately. At the tone, she stated, "Dad, call me. Detective Beckett and I are looking for you. Call me, please?"

Kate could see the concern on the young woman's face, and heard her reply, "I need to go home and see what's going on, but I'm the only one here right now, and I have to catalog these items today."

"I'll go." Kate heard her voice make the offer. "I'll talk to your grandmother, and look around. I can let you know what's happening, alright?"

The young woman's face had a small glimmer of relief spilling over it. "Thank you, Detective."

"It's Kate, ok? You can call me Kate." The detective offered as she touched the teen's arm for comfort. "I'll be in touch soon."

Alexis did not respond, save for a small smile. If anyone could get to her dad, it would be Kate Beckett.

Kate had tried multiple calls and texts, none were returned. The case kept her and the boys so wrapped up, that they had no time to check on him. But he was at the precinct, and left on his own accord. However, that didn't stop the guilt she began to feel rise up in her gut. The thought filled her head - _ I should have made the time..._

Her thoughts were so rapid, so direct, _What was it that he wanted to talk to her about? The way he was acting, he seemed so passionate, so intent. Perhaps he was going to tell her again that he loved her? She needed to speak with him, and tell him everything, finally. It took a lot of work on her part both alone and with Dr. Burke, but now she was ready. If only she could tell him._

She was determined to speak with him, and get to the bottom of this. She had to fix things that were long broken, and inwardly, she knew there was no more time to put it off.

But she had to find him first! 

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To be continued in the next chapter….

I hope you are all enjoying this story. Thanks in advance for more reviews, follows and favorites! Thanks!


	5. Chapter 5

Hi all again! Here we are at chapter 5. A bit of more internal angst for our ruggedly handsome writer, it seems. Before going to the story, let me say that I am still utterly gobsmacked (yes that is a word!) at the fact that thousands - yes, thousands - of you have taken time to read this story. So, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I'm simply thrilled.

So, here we go with chapter 5, and let me add a language warning here, we have a couple episodes of a, um, choice word, used within the dialogue a few times. Just a heads up.:)

Since this and the last chapter were a little shorter than others, I decided to post again tonight. Y'all have been so great!

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**Chapter Five - Floating**

Rick was adrift in a sea of whiskey. He had begun to drink from nearly the moment he had arrived, and continued each day until he passed out. The first night, he slept on the lounge chair by the pool, thankfully the outdoor heater unit by the chairs was working diligently to fight off the chill of the cool night. The next two nights, he had stumbled indoors at some point, and fell onto one of the sofas in the living room, and sleeping until the next morning, where the process began yet again by the pool. He rarely ate anything that he had brought with him, and so he stayed drunker more easily on an empty stomach. His stomach ached, his throat burned from hunger, but like the pain in his heart, those pains, too were numbed a bit.

On the third day, he pulled himself upright off the sofa, his head pounding from the hangover he was experiencing. Reaching onto the floor, he pulled the last few sips of liquor from the bottle into his mouth as he rose and walked to the kitchen. Pulling a bottle of water from the refrigerator, he turned it up and drained it all in one swig. It helped lessen the dehydration that the hangover represented. He grabbed a second bottle and finished off about a third of it, as well.

Looking over, he spotted the burner cell he had brought with him. Turning around, he rested his backside against the kitchen counter, as he powered on the phone and typed a message.

**Mother, I'm ok, but will be gone for a while. Text me at this number only in emergencies, and please do not share this with anyone. I'll check once a day. **  
**Tell Alexis I love her.**

Martha was holding her phone, when the message came through. She quickly fired off a reply.

**Richard, please come home. You're frightening me. Don't run. Confront Beckett and get this all out in the open.**

Rick got the message, and smirked a bit as he realized she had responded so quickly. Hitting reply, he sent a short answer.

**All in good time. Please respect my request.**

Rick tossed the phone once more onto the kitchen counter. He reached into the case and pulled another bottle of whiskey, resting it into the bend of his arm against his side, once again walking out to the pool. Although he made no sound, there was quite a loud discussion going on in his head.

Rick felt utterly feckless. Despite the feelings he had gone through all the way up here and the days spent here, he knew that he should probably open up to Beckett.

Rick had a hard time not using her first name. He called her Beckett now, he couldn't call her Kate. It was too personal. Regardless of the name, she was not his, he was not really hers, and neither would ever be so. He could feel the pain rising up in him yet again, burning through him, as if he were back in observation, watching Beckett pace in frustration while questioning the young man, yelling at him, calling his bluff at the use of PTSD and amnesia as to an alibi. hearing her tell Bobby Lopez what she had not even bothered to tell him.

_I was shot in the chest, and I remember every second of it._

Rick winced at the statement. The phrase just literally felt like the scab was being ripped from his emotions once again. He doubted that it would be easier to recall that memory for quite some time.

One more log on the fire was the fact that the writer was creatively handicapped. He was not able to write a word, or even think out story lines. He drank both to the numb the pain from that day, and to also help conceal frustration at being stifled creatively. However, he couldn't seem to shut down or mute the anger. He was angry - damn angry. That was a strong reason - beyond not wanting to see her- that he couldn't confront Beckett just yet. He knew that any contact right now would be explosive on his end. He roughly wiped angry tears from his cheeks as the thoughts flowed unbidden. Rick loved her too much, and unfortunately, reciprocated or not, that love did not have a switch that he could just flip off, to stop the suffering. So for now, the bottle was his mute button to help get through all this.

As the days dragged on, Rick was descending more and more into himself. Despite the opulent home he possessed, designed carefully for him by an interior decorator, he did not set a foot upstairs, or outside of a few rooms downstairs. He alternated sitting out by the pool, rain or shine or sitting inside on one of the living room sofas. Either location, he drank. He only picked at the food he had brought with him, he really had no appetite. He was still in the clothing he wore when arrived, and they looked looser on him. His heavy beard was several days long with scratchy growth. Rick looked haggard, his eyes bloodshot, face splotchy and dark circles rimmed his eyes.

He didn't care. He wasn't entertaining guests, and couldn't be bothered for cleaning up, proper rest or even nutrition. He hid out for one simple reason, which was to enable his mission. That particular mission was to stop the pain, at least for a little while.

All he could think about was how much he loved her; how she lied to him, and that she knew all along that he had told her he loved her. He didn't care why she lied, it was clear that she had not wanted to be with him, and decided to ignore it all. It was a moment of further clarity for him - beginning from the epiphany on the train, he actually felt it now. The realization was that he could clearly see that she didn't love him back. It slapped him in the face. He could literally feel the burn as this truth rolled over him, scalding his flesh; searing his heart and his emotions.

Despite several instances of circumstances that he must have misread, such as when she found him in the bank, how she looked at him with such intensity, he thought at the time that it must have been love. But with the spotlight of hindsight shining down on the memory, the truth shone with evident proof, the look must have been relief that the hostages were alive, and that her partner was alive - more in reality, it was likely as she had quipped before, that she was just trying to avoid paperwork. There was no emotion besides release of anxiety over the hostage situation ending. In truth, it would probably have been the same look she would have given Espo or Ryan, were they in his place in the dusty rubble of the New Amsterdam Bank and Trust.

Clearly, what he now saw must be true, since nothing romantic ever came of it. If anything, it cemented it for him, that Kate Beckett was closed off to his feelings, and was just placating him. The only reasons that he could come up with was in order to keep up their great case closure rate, while also waiting for him to get over his obvious school boy crush.

_God, how had his life gotten so screwed up?_

Rick began to feel an emotion that he had not felt much of until lately - embarrassment. Rushing over him, the humiliation drove his thoughts. How pathetic he must have looked to Ryan and Esposito! Surely, they could see how he hung on her every word, how he brought her coffee every day like a damned schoolboy would bring a shiny apple to his teacher for whom he had a crush.

He now added the loss of friendships with the boys to the list of items that caused him pain. He was too ashamed to go talk with them and make it right. Beyond Beckett, he really had no reason to be around them. He wrote them off of the mental list of people he could count as genuine friends. _Casualties of war, I suppose_, he thought, sadly.

_Just wonder-fucking-ful! _ The thought came unbidden through Rick's mind, a moment later. He was not usually one for a lot of rough language, but this was a new day.

Why hadn't she just pulled him aside and had said something to him? Let him down gently? What pleasure could she possibly have gained from letting him be strung along? Rick sighed internally, his mind swimming in frustration. He had no answers, and probably wouldn't until he spoke to her. But regardless, he still felt anger, hurt, shame.

Drying the hot, angry tears that had fallen, Rick Castle made a final decision.

_No matter, it all ends now. Kate Beckett was no longer his concern, he settled in his mind._

Now only if he could convince his heart of that, too.

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To be continued in the next chapter…

As always, reviews, favorites and follows are loved! Thanks in advance!


	6. Chapter 6

Thanks again to everyone that provided a review. Here we take a look at Kate, and how she is putting things together. Hope you enjoy the chapter, and the little adventure we are about to undertake. Positive or not, I try to learn from each of them and incorporate into my writing.

So, here we go… 

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**Chapter Six - Looking for Castle**

Kate Beckett could not recall how she got to the loft. It all seemed pushed to the back of her mind as she thought through what could possibly have gone wrong with the writer that had pushed him away from the precinct...away from her. Looking at the empty chair beside her desk was a point of sadness and confusion for the Detective. She had to get to the heart of the matter, because she didn't like not seeing her partner each day.

It also didn't sit right with her heart that she didn't get to see him every day. She had battled the feelings, but at the end of the day, she was tired of protesting. She had to let him know that...maybe it would make a difference. She didn't know for sure, but she had to try.

Parking in the garage, she noted the Mercedes sedan and the Ferrari in their normal parking spaces. _So, he didn't take the Ferrari for a spin_, she thought.

The elevator doors leading to Rick's loft slid open, and Kate strode slowly towards the familiar door. Taking a deep breath, she raised her hand, and gave a solid rap on the wooden door. It seemed an eternity before she heard the approaching click of Martha's heels on the floor from inside the loft. Kate's heart sped up a bit as she waited for Martha to unlock and open the door.

Instead of the usual boisterous "Detective Beckett?", that she got from the actress, this time the woman's voice was subdued, her face impassive, a clipped response, "May I help you?" This change actually caused a pang within the Detective. She didn't know what was wrong, but Martha Rodgers must know.

"Hello, Martha. May I come in?" Kate politely requested.

Letting out a deep breath, Martha stepped back and slid the door wider open, allowing Kate's entrance. "If you are here to talk to my son, he's not here." Martha supplied in a cold tone, direct and to the point.

All of a sudden, Kate felt like she was questioning the family member of a suspect, and in this loft, talking to the Mother of Richard Castle, that didn't feel good at all. "Do you know where he is?"

Martha looked Kate in the eye and responded in an exasperated tone, "I have no idea. He hasn't been home in several days, now." Kate could see the unwavering truth in the woman's eyes. She could hear the frustration in her voice. She knew that Martha was telling the truth.

Also wanting to try and figure out what was going on with her son, Martha asked Kate, "Katherine, How was Richard the last time you saw him?"

Kate wasn't used to being the one answering the questions, but they both needed to find Rick, so she replied, "The last time I saw him, he was ok. He said he had something that he needed to tell me, that he was tired of holding in, but we got interrupted, and didn't get to talk again, other that about our case."

"So you didn't talk to him when he came in three days ago, other than about the bombing?" Martha asked Kate, not pausing in the slightest manner.

Martha was aware of the case, Kate deduced, at the mention of the bombing case.

"I didn't talk to him at all. I didn't see him. He wasn't in when I took our suspect into interrogation. When I came out, he had put my cup of coffee on my desk, but he told the boys that he had something he had to do." Kate related to the writer's mother.

At that moment, it all came together for the Detective. Like a light had been thrown on in a dark room, Martha could see the understanding break across Kate's face. Kate paled as she said, "He must have heard me. Oh my God, no. I have to talk to him!" _Why didn't I think of this sooner?_ The thought flooded Kate's mind all at once. Mentally, she berated herself at the lag in her problem solving skills.

Martha could see the fear, the concern and the urgency fill Kate's face. The cool demeanor began to fall away, seeing that the younger woman was not purposefully hurting her son. Rick must have built this up in his mind, and it was more intense than actually true, or at least true for her. Rick is hurt and it all must seem so intense. Martha's thoughts entered her mind as she observed the Detective. Seeing the pain that Kate was experiencing, she could do nothing else but help the young woman find her son. She felt relief in a way, that the woman was concerned, and wanted to find Richard.

Martha reached over and placed a calming hand on Kate's shoulder. Kate felt relief wash over her, as Martha believed her. Kate asked her, "So, how was he when you last saw him?"

Martha shook her head, "Not good. I came home and found him here, packing a small bag and pulling cash and a phone from his safe. He was upset. When I asked him what was wrong, he said that you had lied to him, and that he had severed ties with you and the boys at the twelfth. He said that you knew that he...that he loved you, and that you didn't feel the same, and he was moving on. Richard said that he was going away to think and to figure out where to go with the Heat series. He said to hug Alexis for him and that he would contact me."

Kate was flummoxed, the color drained from her face. Sliding down to a seat at the breakfast bar, Kate placed her hands over her eyes for a moment, trying to force tears to not fall, to regain her composure. She failed as a single tear slid down her cheek. Her mind making the assessment, This was worse than she had imagined.

Martha hated to relay the information, and felt terrible when she saw the response that Kate had to what she was told. "Katherine? Are you ok?" She asked, concern rising at the obvious distress that the answer had caused.

"No Martha," Kate supplied, "I'm not. I have to find Rick and fix this. When I was shot, Rick was over me, telling me to hang on, and that he loved me. When I saw him in the hospital, I said I didn't remember anything of the shooting or after, but that wasn't true. I couldn't face it then while I was healing and dealing with my PTSD. The other day, I think he heard me tell a suspect that I remembered. Rick only heard part of the story - I do...have feelings for him. I never wanted him to think that I didn't, because that's just not true. I couldn't face it before, but I'm ready now." Taking a breath, a single tear falling from Kate's right eye, as she said, "Oh, God, Martha, what have I done?"

Martha felt pain for the woman, she offered comfort, "You were just nearly killed, no one could blame you, then. But why didn't you say something afterwards?"

"I was seeing a therapist to help with everything. I was just getting to the point that I could tell him now, to open up to him about everything. To let him know that I think of him as more than a partner." Kate answered, as she wiped the tears that fell silently from her eyes and down her cheeks.

Martha felt even more for the Detective, reaching over, she wrapped her into a brief hug, "Kiddo, I think you two could be marvelous together. I can see that your feelings for my son run deep." Kate was silent, but nodded in agreement.

Martha continued, "Richard thinks you don't have any feelings for him. He feels betrayed, that he was led along and not saying anything, to him, confirmed that, to him. He's given up, and I am afraid for him."

The pair remained silent for a moment, allowing themselves to process what was just discovered, before Kate interrupted the silence. "Do you have any idea where he would have gone? Did he contact you?"

Martha shook her head as she replied, "Not really. He mentioned going to the Florida Keys with some writer friends, but frankly, I think he was lying to me. When Richard gets upset, he doesn't want to hang out with a crowd, he'd want to be somewhere alone. He texted me just this morning, here's the number he was texting from. It's not his normal number - I don't recognize it."

Taking the paper with the phone number, Kate nodded at Martha's other information, she knew that fact herself, based on the four years that they had worked together and saw each other in many situations, that he would go somewhere quiet to lick his wounds. "Where do you think he went?"

Martha thought purposefully for a moment before replying, "I would think that he would go to his place in the Hamptons, or he could have gone to the Player's Club downtown, he's a gold member and has a room there for after his poker games, but I think he didn't renew that membership. He has a cabin in the Poconos, too."

Kate's mind went to the Hamptons house. She remembered being invited to go a couple years ago. That's when things began to fall apart. Taking a moment, she then asked Martha, "That's a lot of real estate to cover. Is there anyone you can call to see if he's at any of these places?"

Martha nodded, "Yes, I can call both of the caretakers for the house and the cabin and see if they set up for his arrival." She instantly went to get her phone, looking through the contacts.

Several minutes later, she had her answers. "Richard didn't contact either of the couples. So, they have no idea where he is. I'm sorry."

Kate shook her head, "Don't be. I appreciate the effort. I think it's time we stepped up efforts to find your son."

Pulling out her phone, she placed the call on speakerphone at the answer of Kevin Ryan on the other end. "Ryan, I need a favor. Do not feel obligated to help me if you are not comfortable."

"Please," Kevin replied, "You know I'm gonna help. What'cha need?"

Kate looked at Martha before continuing, "Castle's not home. He's been gone for days - since he left the precinct, the last time you and Espo saw him. Martha and Alexis are worried about him. Can you run searches for activity for his credit cards, and his cell phone? Also, can you run a search on this number, 555-1584? He supposedly texted Martha from this number a bit ago."

Ryan replied, "You got it. I'll get Espo on this too, and we'll also look for traffic accidents, tickets and toll booth cameras, too from then until today. I'll let you know as soon as we find anything."

"Thanks, Ryan. By the way, the Mercedes and the Ferrari are here, so I don't know what he's traveling in."

"Then I would think he's in the big black monstrosity of an SUV." Martha supplied.

"OK, he's probably in an SUV. And..." Kate replied before she was interrupted.

Ryan continued, "And this is classified, and don't get caught at the precinct. I know the rules. I'll call soon."

"Thanks." Kate said and then ended the call. Looking at Martha, she replied, "If anyone can track down information, Ryan can."

Martha had poured coffee for them both, and placed Kate's cup in front of the younger woman. "Then I guess we should be hearing something soon."

Kate thanked Martha for the coffee, then said, "I'm going home to put a few things in a bag and I'll be back as quickly as I can. Mind if I take this with me?"

Martha poured the coffee into a travel cup and sent Kate on her way.

Kate went home and threw a pair of Jeans, a sweater, a top and her sneakers into a bag, along with a sleep shirt and toiletries. She changed into a warmer sweater, and into her leather jacket and gloves. Going back out of her bedroom, she grabbed her motorcycle helmet, and made her way downstairs, placing the items in the saddlebags of her Harley. She quickly made her way back to the loft.

As she entered the loft, and placed her jacket, gloves and helmet onto the sofa, her cellphone rang, "Beckett."

Ryan was on the other end of the call, and Kate switched to speakerphone. "Beckett, I think we have him. No activity on credit cards or his phone. The number you gave me was a burner cell. He must have paid cash, there's no credit card associated with the number. I ran his registrations, and in addition to the Red Ferrari California, he has a Silver Mercedes S400 Hybrid, and a Black Lincoln Navigator. So, I queried the plates on the Lincoln, and I got a hit at a toll booth camera on the Queens Midtown Tunnel. It looks like maybe he was headed to the Hamptons, does that help?"

Kate looked at Martha and smiled as she answered, "It does, a lot. I owe you one, Kevin. Thanks." At that, they ended the call.

The Detective rose, preparing to leave, "So, I'll head out there and do what it takes to fix this. I'll be in touch." She paused to show gratitude, then continued, "Martha. Thank you." Kate said, her face intent on her mission.

"Go find my son and don't come back until he understands and comes with you!" Martha said to the Detective's retreating back. Kate waved in acknowledgement as she strode purposefully to the door. 

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To be continued in the next chapter. Thanks so very much for your favorites, follows, and reviews!


	7. Chapter 7

Thanks for all your reviews and follows. You are all awesome. We don't all have the same ideas for how a story should go, and that's ok - this is just my interpretation. I know that some will love it, some will hate it, and that's ok, too, as we all have different takes on the show. But thanks for sticking in there. Let me invite you to write a fan fic - it's a great way to really learn more insight into your favorite show, and to get feedback on your efforts! What a great community we have in Castle!

So, without delay, I present chapter seven. Language warning again - someone has a dirty mouth. LOL.

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**Chapter Seven - Road Trip**

The trip seemed to be rolling in slow motion for Kate. She knew that her nervous energy was getting the best of her, but she felt as if she were running against time. She had hurt Rick, and despite the heavy rock of guilt she felt as if she were toting around in her gut, she also knew that the writer was hole up somewhere, licking his wounds and doing his best to shut off the love he had for her. That in itself made the detective speed up just a little more, and she even kicked herself for not taking her department-issued car, so she could go lights and sirens. Shaking that off, she crept up the speed a few more miles per hour and hoped that she could get to Rick before he made any life-changing decisions.

The traffic was no challenge, compared to the flood of thoughts entering her head all at once while she drove. She felt guilty for causing this, for the lie at the heart of all the problems, and then also for not putting two and two together just a little sooner. Sure, Gates had pressed them all for 110% commitment to solving the case, but he'd gone out on a limb for her and for cases before, and she could have done the same for him, as well. Not that she hadn't, there was a screwup of epic proportions to clean up. She just hoped that Richard Castle would listen and more importantly, would be willing to listen and believe her. She also wished that he would listen to the fact that she did love him, and that he would be willing to try just once more. if he didn't, she hoped that somehow they could salvage their working relationship. As crazy as it sounded, she just wasn't willing to accept a life without Richard Castle in it, in whatever capacity he would be willing to accept.

Analyzing her thoughts actually helped pass the time for Kate. The GPS announced in her bluetooth earpiece that the destination was just ahead. Turning into the circular drive covered in pebbles, Kate was taken aback at the sight of the beautiful house, resplendent with Cape Cod style wooden shingles, well balanced dormer windows and white columns graced the front of the home, and the well-manicured lawn with white wooden benches and topiary drew the picture for Kate that Rick was more successful and well-off than she ever imagined. The voices in her head did not react favorably, just the opposite, in fact, telling her that she was out of her league. Shaking the thoughts aside, she engaged the kickstand as she removed her helmet. Shaking her hair free, she looked around for his SUV, but found nothing, and deduced it must be in the garage.

Slowly, Kate arrived at the bottom of the stairs leading to the front door. Listening carefully as she came to the large white and glass door, she heard no activity coming from within the stately home. Arriving at the front door, she held her breath as she knocked. No response. Reaching into her front pocket, she drew out the key Martha had given her and inwardly recited the alarm code the older woman had also provided. Silently, she let herself into the home, deactivating the alarm, as well. Her surprise at the beautiful exterior of the home was dwarfed by the simple elegance of the interior. As she moved from room to room in search of the writer, she was bathed in light, elegance and an understated, yet tasteful opulence. She made a note to ask Rick for a tour...assuming he didn't ignore her or throw her out, altogether. Moving into the kitchen area, Kate found proof of his presence in the home - his mostly untouched bags from the store in Southampton, and the tell-tale case of whiskey, with a significant amount of bottles missing. Inspecting the garbage, she noted it was nearly empty, only a wrapper for a chicken sandwich had lined the bag. He had only eaten a sandwich in days? Inwardly, Kate cringed, thinking how badly he must be hurting to try that hard to drown his pain, his disappointment and abuse himself so badly with not eating.

Still on a mission to find Rick, she choked down the emotions she was feeling, and returned to her search. She noted his bags dropped by the sofa in the living room, so she doubted he had done much towards getting to the bedroom that she assumed was upstairs, as he left things so undone downstairs.

Her attention was triggered at the odd sound of something hitting water with a "sploosh" sound. Kate quietly drew open the large glass French doors, leading to a lush green back lawn, with a path that led back to the left. She stepped slowly along the path, past the gazebo and over to the pool house, where she let herself into the gate that secured the area. There, sitting on the leaned up against a chair was Castle. Looking into the pool had confirmed her sound - as he had finished a bottle, he had tossed the empty into the pool. At Kate's count, he was on his sixth bottle, as five empties bobbed along effortlessly in the pool. He was currently leaning back, taking a long draw from the new bottle.

Taking a deep breath, Kate screwed on her courage and quietly approached the intoxicated writer. His eyes were closed as he released the bottle. "Rick?"

No answer.

"Rick, please look at me." The detective tried again.

There was a long beat before he responded. He did not look at her. His voice gravelly, full of anger, he replied softly, with even cadence, "Leave me the hell alone!"

Kate didn't want to push him enough to fuel his anger, as he might bolt, but she tried again, just a little more insistent. "Castle, please… we need to talk."

"Are you deaf? Get out!" Rick's face was blank, cold as he spoke, the volume of his voice rising at the end to a near shout.

Instead of being intimidated, Kate actually felt emboldened, so she tried to push a little more. "No." Her eyes shone with challenge, as her mind plead with her mouth not to overdo this and push him further away. She was unprepared at first for his fury.

"Get the fuck out of my house! And tell Martha I'm pissed at her for figuring out where I was and for telling you!" The writer's eyes flashed in fury as he related this to Kate.

Deciding she had nothing to lose, she kept going. "Tell her yourself later. I'm not leaving you."

Rick continued to avoid eye contact, but he can tell by her tone that she's not budging. And if there's one person rivaling Richard Castle's stubbornness, it would be Kate Beckett. He thought for a second, then decided on another approach- honesty and pleading. "Beckett, please...just...please go. I...can't do...this. I can't see you right now...it's too much. Please."

The sound of Rick's voice filled Kate with pain, as well. She felt like an ass. Kate felt the truth rip into her with as much momentum as the sniper's bullet that day in the cemetery. A single tear slipped down her cheek as she thought to herself. _I caused this man's pain. The man I love is hurting by my hand._ Again, she surprised herself at how easily she could refer to him as her love to herself, but how difficult it was to say it aloud. But she had to say something to tell him what was on her heart.

Kate assessed the situation before acting. She was afraid that if she got too close physically to him, he might startle and anger would come back to the surface, shutting her out before they could talk. But she took a few steps closer to the writer, stopping to kneel just a foot or two away, taking a moment to compose her reply. She had only one shot, and she'd have to give her best. She longed to touch him, but refrained, fearing it would be too much. Kate's eyes misted over as she began to speak, "Rick, please, we need to talk. There's been so much misunderstanding between us, and I can't bear you thinking that I don't care for you. I do. Deeply."

_OK, it wasn't_ "_I love you_", she had reasoned in her head, but he probably wouldn't have believed her right now, anyway.

Rick looked up slowly at her words, and for the first time in the long minutes she had been at his side, he looked her in the eyes. What she saw broke her heart. His eyes were raw, tearful. He looked to be in rough shape, as it seemed he hadn't eaten in days, and had let his facial stubble continue to grow well on it's way to becoming a light beard, already. Making eye contact with Rick didn't give the peace of mind that Kate had expected. He was bogged in pain and alcohol, and really didn't seem to be as calm as she initially thought, after his outburst.

"Beckett, it's ok...I get it. I understand now...you don't have to do this. I won't be in your way, anymore." He paused, and sighed, shoring up his resolve to release her. "I release you from any obligation by the Mayor to keep me around. You don't have to feel obligated to keep hanging out with the school's funniest kid, anymore."

Kate's tears came down again at hearing her words repeated. She regretted ever saying them to this beautiful, sensitive man. Kate had spat them in anger at him, her partner, in a rush of emotion to keep him at arm's length, and even to get him to leave. Well, they seemed to have worked well- too well, as they had attached themselves to this man's inner angst and helped feed the hurt he was feeling. She felt even lower for using them. Her heart broke a bit at being released from a perceived obligation. Her head lifted back up to face him as he spoke again.

"I know that you remembered that I said 'I love you', and it's ok. You had your reasons not to tell me. I know...you don't feel the same. I...I..." Rick paused, trying to get his mind around the words that felt as if they were ripping at his soul. Lowering his head once again, as if the effort to open his heart to her was too taxing on his strength to face her, he broke eye contact and looked at the ground below. "I can't go back to before I loved you. I…just…" Rick stumbled verbally, having difficulty saying the words he felt he desperately needed if he were to ever move on. "I can't be around you...it hurts too much. Know that I only want you to be happy, and I think that would be without me around. So, go...please."

Kate felt the conversation was spinning out of control. He was actually doing it…he was letting her go. Even in his grief, his thoughts were to make sure that her happiness was paramount. She never imagined someone could love her so completely, so selflessly. It nearly broke her heart. She had to stop this before things got even further out of hand.

"You just don't get it, do ya, Castle?" Kate began. "I don't want to have a life without you in it. I'm not leaving, not now…not ever." She looked at him endearingly, but she wasn't sure that he got her meaning.

Despite her doubts, Rick actually had heard her. "Why?" He queried, his voice not letting on the surprise that he held in his being at her statement. "Forgive me, Beckett, but why now?" Before she could answer, he continued, "Is this just to preserve Nikki Heat? If that's it, I'm contracted for more books, so that's not a worry for you. I have more than enough research to finish."

Kate was stymied that he was still not picking up on her clues. "No, that's not it! Remember, I didn't want to take part with Nikki Heat at first, so…"

Rick interrupted her response, "Then why? I'm so hurt right now. You lied to me- to us! I've spent these years with you because I wanted to be near you. I think you know it wasn't about the books anymore. I know that when we first met, I acted like I just wanted to sleep with you, but to be honest, it was just bravado. I felt a spark inside, it told me that you were the one. I didn't know how to deal with it but to be so assertive, but I never once thought about lying to you about my feelings. If you didn't want me, you could have just sent me away, you didn't have to keep me hanging on. So you tell me, what possible reason could a lie ever be acceptable?"

Kate's tears freely ran down her cheeks at the pain she felt coming from this man. For a microsecond, she thought that maybe leaving him to move on would actually be for the best. The thought left her head as at that exact moment, her heart lurched at the proposition. No, there was love between them, they were actually on the same page, but they just needed to get better in sync, and first, clear up the lie at the heart of all this pain. But in a right way. His anger was growing as he continued, and she looked to diffuse the moment just a bit.

Taking a moment to breathe before she began, Kate then replied, "Rick, I'm so sorry, so very sorry for lying to you. I want to talk about this, but I think that we both need to step away, for a bit, so we can be at our best. You've been drinking, and from the looks of it, you haven't been sleeping, either. I'm not leaving until we talk. So go up and get cleaned up, I'll make you something to eat and then get some rest. I'll still be here and we can talk when you wake. This is a big conversation, Castle. I want you at your best, so that I know that the decisions we make here are not from a bottle or sleep deprivation.

Surprisingly to Kate, Rick grew quiet, and then nodded. He seemed resigned, and slowly rose, refusing any assistance from her to rise, as he stumbled into the house. He wasn't so drunk yet, he had just finished a leftover bottle from the night before, but he did agree, he was tired, and he stank. He didn't see eye to eye with Beckett very much right now, but cleaning up was one thing, making decisions rested was another. He figured pretty quickly that it wasn't going to be easy getting rid of her if he didn't. So, he planned to rest, and then just tell her again to leave so he could close this chapter. 

So why was his gut practically screaming for him to stop?

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To be continued in the next chapter. Thanks again, folks!


	8. Chapter 8

Hi all, sorry for the delay in posting! You all are simply the best! I have loved every review and message sent to me. I promise to try to answer all at least once! Thank you in advance! Here is chapter eight, without further delay…

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**Chapter Eight - The Honest Truth**

Kate heard the whirl of his electric razor and knew that he was at least listening to her instruction on hygiene. It took her a few minutes, but she rifled through the cabinets and the bags Rick had brought, and was able to concoct a bowl of tomato soup and a couple of grilled cheese sandwiches. She pressed down the coffee grounds in the french press, as she heard him shut off the shower. Pouring both of them a cup of coffee and fixing them, she left hers on the counter to cool as she tucked a bottle of water under her arm, and Tylenol in her pocket, she took the food and coffee up to the man she loved more than anyone.

She looked around slowly, trying to find his room, and knew as soon as she did. The beautiful nautical theme to the room, the fireplace with the brass anchor within was gorgeous, the light, airy colors gave her a feeing of serenity. She wished she had seen it sooner, and in better circumstances. Looking around, she saw a small reading table, and took the food there, setting each down carefully. She heard the rustling of steps on the carpet. He was in the room with her. She slowly turned, to find Rick there, towel wrapped around his hips, his hair mussed from towel drying, his face once again smooth. His eyes were still so pained, she wished that a good hot shower could have fixed that, too, but that would take rest and communication.

She took a moment to let her eyes roam over his body. The trickle of moisture that ran from his collarbone, down his chest and stomach, and meeting its end in the knot of fabric that covered his hips. Despite his pain, he still looked good, and she hoped that they had a chance to explore…everything…together. But that wasn't right now. She gave a mental shake to clear her thoughts, as her eyes met his. He was quiet, watching her movements with a reserved, nearly empty expression.

"I made you something to eat. Why don't you get dressed a bit to take a nap, and then eat something. The coffee's decaf…its all I could find. I have water and something here to try and head off a headache, too."

Rick looked at her for another moment, then stepped into the closet, without saying a word. That didn't make Kate feel very hopeful, but she guessed he may be working things out in his head, first. Moments, later, he emerged from the dressing area in grey plaid pajama pants and a red t-shirt, simply adorned with a golden lightning bolt across the chest, that represented the comic book character of "The Flash". It was so him. So Richard Castle. Silently, he padded over to the small table, and sat. Kate watched him, to see if there would be anything he would need. He didn't move for a moment, then reached out and took the Tylenol and cracked the seal on the water bottle, washing two tablets down with a healthy swig of the water. After a moment longer, he took half of the first sandwich and dipped it in the soup. As he took a bite, Kate turned to go back downstairs, and give him some privacy. His voice stopped her progress.

"Kate - Thank you…for the food." He quietly offered to her back.  
She turned and looked at him. He looked a bit like a little boy, sitting there, swishing the sandwich in the soup. Her heart felt a little lighter at the intimate setting she saw before her. She answered in the only way she could.

"Always."

His eyes rose higher to meet hers, and she swore she felt the heat from the intensity of his gaze. She hoped that meant that there was still a chance that they could work through this, and that he could let her back in. It was cold outside of Richard Castle's heart, she thought to herself, resolving herself to fixing this rift. But for now, food and sleep was on the agenda. Offering him a small, quiet smile, she instructed, "Eat up, and get some rest, I'll get the dishes later. Come down when you wake…I'll be downstairs, waiting." With that, she turned and went downstairs.

Back downstairs, Kate ate her soup and sandwich, and sipped on the coffee awaiting her there. As she finished the food, she took a sip of the warm coffee. Even though it was decaf, the heat was comforting. Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out her phone, she sent a text to Alexis, telling her she had found her Dad, and that he was ok and to talk to her grandmother when she got off work. Alexis quickly replied, thanking the detective. Taking a deep breath, she dialed Martha. The older woman must have been sitting by the phone, as she picked up on the second ring.

"Katherine? Please tell me he's alright." Martha queried as soon as she picked up the phone.

"Hi Martha," Kate greeted, then began recapping her trip. "He's here at the Hamptons, and from the looks of it, he's been drinking since he arrived, but not much else. I persuaded him to clean up, eat and get some sleep before we talked. He's really hurt, Martha. I feel like some sort of monster. How did this happen?"

The actress sympathized with the younger woman, "Katherine, sweetheart, he's been hurt, deeply. Getting him sober and rested was the right first step. He'll come around, I'm certain of it, but he's hurting, and you're going to have to get around that. Let him see how you feel, he needs to hear the words, and see it in your actions. Just don't give up on him."

Kate wiped the tears that were gathering on her cheeks, as the older woman coached her, "I could never give up on him. I love him, Martha. I couldn't be happy without him."

Kate could hear the smile in Martha's voice. "That's good to hear. Now, you have to tell my son that, too. Just open up to him, I know that can be difficult, but he still loves you, deep down, past the hurt, he wants to be with you, and always will, I suspect. You have to reach that place in him, and let him know you feel that, too. Godspeed, dear Katherine."

Finishing up the call, Kate washed up her dishes and went in search of a place to wait out the sleeping writer. Deciding on a comfortable sofa in the sitting room, she spotted a row of bookshelves. She felt comforted when she spotted her favorite book, "In a Hail of Bullets". It was Castle's first novel, and it showed the raw edge of his writing in her opinion, in the best way, although she loved all his books. She settled in and flipping over the cover, began to immerse herself in this alternate reality, for a short while.

********  
Rick's eyes slowly slid open, and he took a quick inventory of his surroundings, to help figure out where he was. Seeing his bedroom, he felt more at ease. Then everything over the past few days played itself out again, as if he were watching a movie in his head. As he slid over to sit on the side of the bed, he then recalled that Beckett was here, she had searched him out and refused to leave, and mothered him to shower, eat and rest. He recalled her instruction to come downstairs and find her when he woke. This turn of events surprised him, as he never imagined that she would seek him out like this, actually coming here to take care of him. He couldn't reconcile that with the knowledge he had that she had no feelings for him. He thought that she would call or text him, but eventually get the picture, and stop, understanding that he was leaving her alone so that she wouldn't have to be bothered. Then, to add more fuel for thought, she told him that she cared deeply for him, and that she couldn't bear him thinking otherwise. This conflicted within him. Perhaps this wasn't as cut and dried as he had imagined?

Holding his head in his hands, he pondered the last few memories he had, and the fact that he couldn't reconcile this with how he imagined it would have played out drove him to rise, clean up a little more, change clothes, and to want to go downstairs and find out more. Surprisingly, his head was pretty good - the large bottle of water and Tylenol probably saved him a nasty hangover.

Castle quietly made his way down the steps and towards the kitchen. The sight he encountered stopped him short. Kate was putting away groceries. She looked confused as to where the potatoes should go and was looking through cabinet doors.

"Bottom third cabinet from the right. There's a bin." Castle's voice came from over her shoulder, startling her momentarily. Moving over, she dropped them into the desired bin.

"Thanks. I called to the grocery store, and when they learned you were here, they were kind enough to deliver a few things." Kate replied timidly.

"Why are you here?" Castle plowed forward right into the heart of the conversation.

Kate turned slowly, facing the man. He was more rested, his eyes clearer, and was dressed in jeans and a light blue button up shirt. His face was set and focused. Looking him in the eye, she decided to jump in with him.  
"Because I care about you, and I need to clear up a misunderstanding between us."

"Really? I heard you tell Bobby Lopez that you remembered everything about when you were shot. What misunderstanding is there to clarify?" Castle challenged, his voice quiet, but holding a slight edge.

Taking a deep breath, Kate replied, "Because that isn't the whole story. Castle, Rick…I'm not gonna lie to you anymore. I did remember, and I'm so sorry for that lie. When I got shot, it was all too much. At first, it all didn't seem real, lying there, dying. Then in the hospital, I felt vulnerable, I wasn't able to even control my own body. I couldn't face everything…I was…drowning in all the pain, the loss - of Montgomery, of my mom's case, of my comfort zone with you, even. I'm so sorry."

Rick stood there, letting her finish. The ice around his heart melting a little at the memory of her struggle, of seeing her so vulnerable, exposed in that hospital bed. But he needed more. "That was then. We've had months since then…why didn't you say anything since?"

Kate walked over to the sofa in the living room, motioning for the writer to follow, which he did. It gave her a moment to collect her thoughts, but neither sat down. "Castle, When I came back, I was so lost, so raw and just drowning from PTSD. It felt like I was detached, just floating along until the case with the random shooting victims. Sure, Javi helped me through the anxiety around the sniper, but that was only part of it. I had to find out more behind the person that I was. I wanted… no I needed to be more than what I was then. I finally admitted to myself that I couldn't do this without help, so I started going to see a therapist."

Rick was surprised at this revelation. Kate saw his flummoxed expression, and as she smoothed the tears from her cheek, she replied with a weepy laugh, "Yeah, I know, right? Who would have thought I would voluntarily go see someone?"

Castle nodded, again his mind whirling at the information he was desperately trying to piece together.

Kate continued, "Well, I did. I needed to get to the heart of not only my PTSD, but also the heart of why I run, why I live behind all the walls I would throw in place, why I jump into dead-end relationships, and sabotage my chance at true happiness."

This made Rick think back to the conversation in Kate's apartment, where he confronted her about how they never talked about things, and how she sabotaged her happiness. He nodded, practically pleading for her to continue.

Kate saw that he was getting more involved in what she was saying, and took that as a positive sign. She continued, "I learned that all the walls I constructed within- I thought they protected me, but in reality, all they did was close me off to the rest of the world. You are right I shouldn't have lied, I have been working on me, so that I am not in that place again. Putting in the time, hoping that I could fix myself, let myself heal so I could live the life I wanted, with the relationship that I want. Know this Rick, I did lie that I didn't remember, but never, not even once, did I ever lead you on."

Kate walked closer to the writer, making slow steps, so as to not scare him off, as she spoke, "I care for you, Rick…deeply. I want my own life, and it may be selfish on my part, but I want you in it."

Rick's heart sped up at the words that she spoke. For once, there was no hedging around the subject, no Ryan or Espo to interrupt. The conversation was really happening. He was learning that he was wrong about her. That maybe she didn't want to be separate from him, after all. It seemed to good to be true. But what did she mean?  
"You want me in your life, you say, but as what?"

Kate smiled timidly as she looked into his eyes, determined not to have any further misunderstanding. "I want you, as a friend, as a partner, as…more. I want you in my life in every way possible."

Castle was hurt, he had spent days trying to block her from his heart, and in one explanation, she had began to sneak back in. He couldn't imagine the loss of control and how it impacted her, as control has been part of her makeup most of her adult life, he surmised. It seemed, though, that somethings were off - had he so badly misread the situation? It seemed so. But with that knowledge, could he drop his defenses enough to get through this, and possibly get her, as well?

Rick looked in her eyes, and said nothing, right away. He listened to Kate's words, and could feel his heart reaching out again for her. Kate looked into his eyes. Their eyes spoke volumes between them, without a single word. She saw the pain he had put himself through, but she also saw a glimmer of hope in the sparkle that was returning slowly in his eyes. Taking a big chance, she slid the couple of steps that separated them, and put her head on his shoulder, as they both fought to make sense of all that had been said and sensed in the other. Inwardly, she prayed that they would make it through this. She didn't want a life without him in it, completely. He did not touch her, but she could feel his breath disturbing her hair, as he apparently had turned his face towards her head. It was something.

The pair stood like this for a few moments. Kate swore she could hear the gears in Rick's mind turning. Finally, he spoke, "So, do you need more time to work on these walls?"

Kate closed her eyes, tears fell once again from her eyes, in gratitude. He was considering moving past this with her. A positive sign, for sure.

Rick continued, "I just need to know…it's important for me to know. I don't need to have all sunshine and rainbows, but I do need to know where I stand with you."

Kate's tears fell for a few seconds more, as she rubbed them away with the backs of both hands. "Rick," she said as she lifted her head from his shoulder and looked him in the eyes, she took his hand and reached up to cup his cheek, so he would face her fully. "I think that those walls are crumbling. There have been cracked for a while now, but the thought of losing you, of losing a chance of a relationship with you before I had a chance to tell you that I love you, ripped through the walls, and now they've fallen."

As she finished, she was emboldened to continue. Kate pulled Rick into a gentle kiss, her lips resting softly on his, slowly kissing him. It was not passionate, but rather a sign of hope. She hoped that he took it as a sign that she really did want him. Kate knew that this didn't fix things fully, but she hoped that it served as a starting point to get back to the honest truth that they were meant for each other.

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To be continued in the next chapter.

Note that they are not "fixed", but at least they are able to have open communication. Reviews are love. Follows and favorites are, too. :)


	9. Chapter 9

Hi everyone! Wow, I am bowled over at the response this story has gotten. This story has been viewed over 22,200 times since its inception, and for that I am thrilled! This tale is written all the way through, and I will continue posting every few days, but I may move back to flesh out certain aspects of previous chapters, if it seems like it would enrich the story to do so. I wouldn't change the plot, just perhaps show more depth into a scene. We'll see. :)

Anyway, please accept this next chapter and I hope you all like it. Remember, feedback is love. 

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**Chapter Nine - Starting Over at the End**

The kiss was like a healing balm to Rick's soul. He had been so hurt…but he had been so wrong. He misread everything, but now here was Kate. She tracked him down, took care of him, poured her heart out to him, and now was here, kissing him, trying to show that she did love him.

_Wait a minute, she said she loved me!_

Pulling away slightly, to see her more fully as the kiss ended, he reached out and offered his hand to the detective. Kate took his hand without reservation, and he pulled her into a hug. "Kate, I want to talk more about this, about us. I want this, too. But I want to take some time to spend with you. Just us. How long are you here?" He asked, as they began to sway in the hug slightly.

Kate smiled as she answered, "Gates gave me the rest of the week off. I've no where to be til Monday."

Pulling back from the hug, Rick looked at her earnestly, "Can you stay here for a few days…with me?" He was nervous, as Kate hesitated for a moment before answering. He took it for uncertainty and nervous energy fueled his quick response. "It's alright, you don't have to…"

Kate realized his doubt instantly and set to stop it. "No…no…I'm not pausing this. It's just that I was so focused on getting to you, I didn't bring anything extra with me. Of course, I'll stay."

Rick gave a relieved smile. "Let me finish getting cleaned up and I'll fix us something to eat. Looking at the time, he added, "We can head into town in the morning and get you a few things."

Kate began to relax well enough to tease him slightly, "Yes, please comb that hair. I can't imagine being seen with the world-famous writer's bed head! But at least you don't smell like a still any longer." She smiled as she spoke.

Castle was for a moment surprised at her humor, but it actually helped him relax. "Ha, ha, Miss Detective Smartypants! Why don't you start some real coffee and I'll be back down in a jiffy."

Kate began to make coffee as Rick sprinted up the stairs to tame his bed head with hair product. Within a few minutes, he was back downstairs, order once again restored to his 'do. Kate looked at him as he gestured for her to critique. "Very much like when we first met, messy but cool."

Rick looked satisfied, and replied, "eh, that'll do. Now let me get cracking on dinner. What are you hungry for?"

Kate smiled and touched his arm. He saw a spark of mischief in her eyes.

"Well, let me restate, What food are you hungry for, Kate?" Castle tried again.

"I would ask for pancakes and bacon, but I'll hold off for another time, in the future." Rick was nonplussed at her reply, intimating that they would sleep together and have the traditional "Thanks for last night" breakfast.

"How about Mac and cheese and some veggies?" He offered after he took a peek in a few cabinets.

"Perfect." Kate supplied, her hand still resting on his arm. He could feel the tingle coming from her touch, igniting the nerves in his arm. It was too soon…right?

Sensing that perhaps it was too much, Kate slowly pulled her hand away and offered "What can I do to help?"

"Maybe you can start the water for the pasta and then start steaming the veggies?" Rick suggested.

"Yes, chef." Kate replied with a smile.

As was always indicative of when they were in good terms, they were in sync. Dinner was a success. They talked about the case as they ate, Kate did her best to make sure he knew that his presence was missed by both her and the boys. Rick noticed she was making an effort, and it made him happy to see that perhaps this was going to be different.

Kate went back into the kitchen and after a few minutes, she emerged bearing dessert - Rocky Road ice cream, in two dishes. She'd set it in front of him, and he smiled like a kid being surprised with their favorite treat. Happily, he dug into it, but still taking the time to be playful with her, and she to him, as they enjoyed the frozen treat.

Finishing up, they each took dishes back to the kitchen and worked to clean out the dishes, and the pans to go into the dishwasher. Drying the counter, Rick offered his hand to her. Kate slid her hand into his easily. Turning to her, he asked, "Would you like to go out and see the stars?"

Kate nodded easily, and Rick let go long enough to grab both of their jackets, put his on and help her into hers. Taking her hand once again, he led them both to the french doors and once again, out to the pool area where she had found her just hours earlier.  
"I meant to tell you that you have a beautiful house here, Castle." Kate stated, before she forgot to mention it.

Rick smiled, "Yeah, it just called to me as I went though the place. So I bought it and worked with architects and an interior designer to make it back to tip-top shape. Remind me tomorrow, and I'll give you the grand tour."

Kate met his smile and said, "Deal."

He helped her past the pool house gate and over to the chairs. Reaching over, he flipped on the towering heater that would help ward off the chill. He helped her sit on one of the reclining chaise chairs, while he sat on the side of the one next to her. Kate looked up a the sky and took in the massive expanse of stars present in the night sky. The haze of New York City never let you see the stars at night, so it was a treat. "So beautiful." She commented as she continued to take in the view.

Rick never took his eyes from her. He was enamored at the childlike wonder at which she encountered the stars. He replied with a dreamy tone, "Yes, lovely." Kate took in the tone and looked over at the writer, only to be pinned by the loving, honest gaze of the man. He only had eyes for her. She blushed slightly at the compliment he gave of her beauty.

Kate, not wanting to spoil the moment, but interested in what happened at the precinct, asked, "Would you have really gone for good?"

Rick looked down for a moment, to collect his thoughts, then replied, "Yeah, I would have. For me, it wasn't about the books anymore, I just wanted to be around you. I thought that you didn't…want me. So, I didn't think that I could go back and face you and the guys anymore. So, I had decided that it would be painful for a while, but that since you didn't want me, you'd get over it soon enough."

Kate looked down, as well. That hurt to hear. "Please promise me that if you and I ever decide to end our partnership, really any of this…relationship we have going here, we'll talk about it first, and see what can be done to right things, before walking away. OK?"

Rick looked over at her, a sad smile on his face, "OK. I'll make that promise." He reached over and held her hand once again, both feeling the tingle of the contact and longing for it to never end. They spent a couple of hours outside, just talking about their lives, her therapy, his life and how it differed from the public persona, their fears, their hopes and wishes, as their good and bad times together, all in all, growing closer to one another.

The temperature dropped slightly, and the breeze grew stronger, driving them back into the house. As much as Kate had enjoyed their time together, she was tired, and imagined if he were honest with himself, he would admit that he was still tired, as well.

Hiding a yawn, Kate supplied, "As much as I've enjoyed tonight, I am getting a bit tired. Where's the guest room? I can crash and we can continue in the morning."  
"I could sleep more" Castle replied, as he turned to the Detective, offering his hand. Rick walked her upstairs, and suggested that she take some of Alexis' clothes to sleep in, since her things were still with the bike. He went to his daughter's room and in a few minutes, returned with a shirt and some cotton shorts, handing them to her. He looked troubled, a small frown on his face.

"What is it?" Kate inquired as she saw the change in his mood. Her hand slipped from his slowly as she turned.

He paused for a moment, before answering, "I know that this may be an odd request, but could you stay with me tonight? Just to sleep? I don't want to end this feeling, and I'm afraid right now, it's just a dream."

Kate smiled and placed a hand on his cheek, letting it rest for a moment, as she paused, then took the clothing from him, and moving the hand from his face, took his hand back in hers and led him towards his bedroom.

Rick allowed her to change first, and to pick the side of the bed she desired. The California King size bed was huge, but seemed tiny in the suite. The bed was covered in high thread count linen, and Beckett was sure she had not rested in such comfortable settings in quite a while. Rick emerged, and slid into the bed, stopping first to start the gas fireplace, the flames dancing happily near the large brass anchor that adorned the hearth. The heat began to roll into the room, making it even more cozy.

Rick looked at the woman he loved, in his bed, willing to take things forward in due time. His heart beat with a happy pace, as she looked so at home. Tonight wasn't about passion, it was about taking comfort in each other's presence. It was about cementing the bond that they had worked today to repair. He slid under the covers, their bodies lying side by side, but not touching. He could tell she was a little nervous, he was too, if he admitted it, but the joy of being near her overcame his jitters. He reached over taking her hand in his, lacing their fingers, and lifted her hand to his lips, kissing it reverently.

"Sleep well, Castle." Kate said quietly as Rick rested their arms once again on the bed, their hands remaining joined.

Rick smiled and replied, "Sweet dreams, Beckett."

"I love you, Castle." Kate replied, her smile beaming, yet she didn't open her eyes.

"Rick." The writer supplied. He so desperately wanted her to feel comfortable enough to regularly call him by his given name.

Kate's smile remained, and he could hear it in her voice, "I love you, Rick."

"I love you too, Kate." Rick spoke, his smile too threatening to break into his voice.

They lay side by side, hands joined, grinning like loons until they relaxed enough to fall asleep.

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**To be continued in the next chapter.**

Thanks for all the amazing feedback, the follows and favorites. I hope you are all still hanging in there for this journey. We've about hit the halfway mark, just so you know.

See you next chapter! 


	10. Chapter 10

Hi everyone, we're having bad weather tonight, so I'm not gong to be on for long, but here is Chapter 10 - more opportunity in this transitional chapter for the dynamic duo to just be together, talk and heal just a bit. Hope you enjoy, and if you are in the middle of all this bad weather - stay safe and dry!

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**Chapter Ten - Healing**

The morning sun kissed the face of Rick Castle, waking the writer from a deep, restful slumber. He had a strange sensation of contentment, and as he began to stretch sleep-stiffened muscles before opening his eyes, he had an initial surge of surprise - something was holding him down. In particular, something was holding his right side down. Sliding his eyes open slowly, his face split into a huge grin, as he realized that his anchor was none other than Kate Beckett. He recalled falling asleep holding hands, after exchanging "I love you" with one another. Sometime during the night, the homicide detective had migrated onto his side of the huge bed, seeking him out. Now she was soundly asleep on her stomach, half of her upper body on his right shoulder, his arm slipped around her waist and was resting on her hip. Her face looking toward him, he was able to see how utterly relaxed and content she was, as well as how beautiful she was in slumber. Her right arm was resting on his chest, as if being lulled to sleep by his pulse that beat just below her hand. Her honey brown hair fanned out over her shoulders and some had slid over and rested on his side. It tickled him every time she exhaled, but he would not change anything about this moment for the world.

As if his attention had summoned her, Kate began to stir. Rick hated waking her, he liked watching her as she slept, as he'd never had that opportunity before, and counted it as a rare, beautiful gift.

Long lashes batted open and closed, in an attempt to wake fully. Noticing her position, Kate began to wiggle slightly, to move off her sleeping partner. "Don't move. I was enjoying the company." Rick said, as he placed a small kiss on the top of her forehead.

"Good morning." Kate said in a sleepy voice, her eyes focusing on the man she loved, his face just inches from hers. She took advantage. Reaching up slightly, she placed a chaste kiss on the writer's lips. As she began to pull away, Rick held her closer for just a moment longer, holding the kiss longer. Her kiss was like water to a parched soul, in his opinion. But then again, he was biased, as he was still in love with her.

Deciding to not yet push the moment into deeper intimacy that neither was ready for, Rick ended the kiss, and smoothed her hair down to her back, settling some of the fanned strands into some semblance of order. Glancing at the clock, he was surprised it read 8:30. "So," Rick asked, "You ready to get up and head into town? I was thinking we could have coffee and toast now, head into town to get you some clothes, and then I can have Dominic's deliver a brunch basket for us to enjoy, and a tour of the house afterwards. What do ya think?"

Kate smiled as she replied, while stroking his chin, the whiskers slightly tickling her fingers with the movement. "Shopping, coffee and food all in the same sentence? How could I refuse?"

"Spoken like a true New Yorker. Ya do the Big Apple proud, Kate!" Rick said as he playfully smacked her derriere. This caused her to jump in surprise, then she replied, "Hey! Assaulting a cop is a felony, Castle!"

Rick was laughing heartily as he replied, "Nah, it was just a love tap. Misdemeanor at best."

The pair was loathe to break the physical contact that they had, and so Rick rose carefully from the bed and offered his hand back to Kate, helping her from the bed. Kate rose easily, but made no attempt to let go of his hand. It was magnetic, the pull to stay near him. They walk towards the en suite together, and Rick sat Kate in a wing back chair on the other side of the fireplace, so that they can talk as he prepared for the day. He was efficient in the hot shower, then dried off quickly with one towel as he also wore another towel around his hips, and Rick called to her to come into the bathroom, as he began to shave his beard with his electric razor, the whirring noise almost dying into the background noise of the air conditioning. Kate sat down on the edge of the tub and was drawn to his form. She studied the sleek movement of the taught muscles covering his shoulders and arms, and the shapely form of his backside, covered in the damp white towel. It's so new, it's almost too intimate. But then she realized that they are most likely going to be together, and she was pulled into watching the actions of shaving, and she loved the clean scent of his aftershave.

The writer moved through an access point to his closet, and was gone for a minute or two, returning with jeans on, and fastening a light yellow oxford shirt across his chest. His hair was sticking out in every direction, from the wash and towel dry in the shower, and he pushed around a small amount of gel into his hair, taming it in to the trademark Richard Castle style in moments. Kate was amazed at his finely tuned morning regimen.

"OK," He paused as he placed a kiss on her forehead, "Your turn. I'm going to head down and start the coffee and toast. Don't be long!"

Kate smiled as she watched his retreating form and then rose to begin her morning routine, as well. Efficiently, she jumped in the shower, bathing rapidly, and then after drying off and dressing, Kate pulled her hair into a ponytail and headed back downstairs. Rick had poured her a cup of coffee and was placing the plate of toast where they could both enjoy from the breakfast bar. They planned their brunch menu as they ate, and he told her of a couple stores that she would be certain to like.

As they finished the light breakfast, he asked her if she was ready. "Let's take my soft tail." She offered. Rick was giddy. He had never ridden with her before, and motioned for her to wait a minute, and then dashed off to a door she had not yet seen. He emerged only seconds later, with a helmet of his own in tow. "OK, let's go!" Rick said as he slid the helmet onto his head. "You wouldn't consider letting me drive, would ya?" He inquired.

"You have a motorcycle license?" Kate asked the writer.

Rick nodded, "Ever since I was 21. I have had a couple dirt bikes and a couple street bikes, but haven't ridden in a couple years."

Kate handed the keys over and replied, "Go easy on the clutch until you get used to it." Rick was shocked at how easily she gave in. "What?" Kate asked at his surprised look.

"Nothing, nothing at all. Ready 'biker mama'?" Rick asked happily. Kate slid her arms around his waist, causing Rick's smile to grow even larger.

"Let's do this." Kate said with a giggle. _What the hell? I giggle now?_ Kate thought to herself, then shrugged it off, attributing it to the openness and love they were exploring.

The couple made their way into the heart of town, and Rick smoothly navigated the motorcycle into a parallel space in front of a boutique, called "Angelena". Kate took the two helmets and stored them on the bike, and the pair strode into the small shop. Kate was taken aback at the beautiful clothing she encountered. She immediately spotted some garments that she wanted to try on, and took four outfits back with her to try on. As she was trying on the clothing, Rick slid over to the shop owner, Angelena. "Here's my card, despite what she says, use this to pay for her purchases."

Angelena smiled, as she responded, "But of course, Mr. Castle. It would be my pleasure."

Rick slid down into the chair once more and pulled out his burner phone, realizing he didn't have the number to order brunch. "Excuse me, Angelena, would you happen to know the number for Dominic's?"

"Of course. Please give him my regards." Angelena replied, and provided the number to him. Rick called and placed an order for a brunch basket. He gave Angelena's regards to the older Italian man, as well. Hanging up, he heard the curtains before him rustle.

Kate emerged from the dressing room, and said, "I can't make up my mind which to get. I like them all."

Rick turned to the shop owner, "Angelena, we'll take them all. Also, she'll need some sandals to go with them, as well."

Kate saw the woman practically run to the shoe displays, to offer suggestions. Turning towards the writer, Kate stated, "That wasn't meant to be a hint to buy my clothes, Rick."

"I know, but I wanted to. You're here because I ran, so humor me." He reasoned.

Normally, she would have balked harder, but the look in his eyes moved her to let him have his way. "Fine, but don't think this is gonna be a regular thing." Kate said, her eyes narrowing in a humorous squint. She turned away to take the bag as he subtly replied, "We'll see…"

Kate let the reply go. Smiling deeply, she thanked the shop owner and took her parcels. Walking out of the shop, towards the bike, Kate realized the predicament they had. "So, how's this gonna play out? Packages and a soft tail don't really go together."

"Now, now, we just have to have some imagination. Here let me have the bag." Rick said as he took the purchases from Kate. He climbed on board the bike and put them in front of him. "Now climb on, and put you're arms around me." Kate did as was requested, and as her arms wrapped around him, she felt the bag. Rick finished, "So just lock your arms, and that should balance it on the gas tank until we get back. Thank goodness its a short trip."

"Good thinking, Castle." Kate smiled and thanked him with a firmer squeeze around his midsection.

As promised, the trip was quick and uneventful, and Rick took the extra step to place the bike in the garage when they returned. He took the package from her, and then offered her his hand. She took it immediately, interlocking their fingers, pulling their palms flush.

Shortly after they returned into the house, the doorbell rang, and Dominic's was delivering their brunch. Tipping the delivery person, Rick took her hand once again, and they walked out to the back lanai. "Its a beautiful day, I thought since it's warm enough, I thought we'd dine al fresco." Kate answered with a smile, and followed the writer, hand in hand.

The pair sat facing one another, knees touching at the table. Rick playfully fed bits of fresh fruit to Kate, and she offered him a bite of a mini waffle, dipped in chocolate sauce. Rick followed up with a ripe strawberry, taking a moment to dip it in the chocolate sauce, and feeding it to Kate. His pupils dilated in desire as her lips gently stroked his finger, and he, drawn into her magnetism, leaned forward and touched his lips to hers. The strawberry juice mingled with the chocolate and Kate rushed to swallow it, as the kiss intensified. She skid closer to him, their legs fully touching now, as he opened his mouth to welcome her and deepen the kiss. Their tongues caressed, stroked, tangled, and it seemed like time slowed down as the kiss deepened. Rick placed his hand in her hair, drawing her closer. Kate's heart sped up at the intense feelings flooding her mind, her heart.

Just as quickly, Rick disengaged from the kiss, leaving Kate sitting there, eyes closed. After a moment, she opened her eyes, and looked at Rick, wondering what happened. Rick sat back, trying to compose himself, and decided to use a little distraction. "So, Kate, tell me about your experience with your therapist. Who did you see?"

Kate was confused, but played along, "Carver Burke. What just happened here?"

Rick looked away, partly due to nerves, partly due to insecurity. He wasn't his usual polished self, "Um, nothing. Just slowing things down a bit, so we can keep talking."  
"Rick, are we ok? Things seemed like we've started moving past everything, now you're pulling back. What caused that?" Kate asked, her heart beating fast, still.

Rick rose and began picking up the dishes, anything to put some distance between them, and to hopefully buy him some time. He wanted this, thought he was ready, but when he looked deep within, he was torn. He loved Kate, he was certain of it. So why the sudden return of this uncertainty?

"Of course, we are. Sorry, I guess I'm just still a little off from the past few days." Rick replied, turning to hide a cringe that he could not stop. It was a lie, he knew that she knew, as well. But what did this do to their progress?

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To be continued in the next chapter. Reviews, favorites and follows are love. Thanks in advance!


	11. Chapter 11

Hi everyone! Boy, some weather the east cost of the US is having, huh? Thoughts and prayers go out to those affected by flooding and tornadoes from this massive storm.

Thanks to all of you who have stuck with this story, and reviewed, followed or favorited it. I remind anyone curious to go back to the author's notes for any questions about this story and how it will end. That said, this chapter, although a little shorter than some picks up where we left off in chapter 10, and hopefully will allay some concerns. We're turning a corner here, and let's see where that goes. Also, please note if the story gets too fluffy, masks should fall from the ceiling, remember to put yours on first before helping other readers with theirs. ;)

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**Chapter Eleven - General State of Besotted**

Kate stayed outside, moving over to the pool side, taking in the sunshine, while giving him some distance, as she watched him putter around, always moving, never making eye contact. It was clear that he was fighting something, working through something, and her guess told her it was them. Her heart sank, as she thought that he still might have doubts. She'd opened herself up to him completely, bared the pain, guilt and even shame that she had taken these many months to strip away, and found herself ready to jump into things with him. Her heart pounded with anxiety that he might not feel the same, after all. After several long moments, Rick finally looked up and noticed she was no longer at the lanai, and visually searched after her, stopping on her presence at the pool. She decided that as soon as he would even be near her, she would let him choose, and would settle herself with whatever he decided. She loved him enough to let him go.

Rick had put away everything, washed all the dishes, and wiped the table until the surface almost showed wear. He hashed out everything in his head, down to the moments that drove him to the Hamptons in the first place. He thought about his trust being broken, and then how it wasn't how it seemed to be. He also replayed how he felt about her, how she literally dashed here to be with him, and to set the record straight. He thought about a life without her, where they went their separate ways, a clean break. At that moment, the idea nearly drove him to his knees. He would rather face death right this minute than a day without her, now that they were on the same page. So, what was he waiting for? He loved her enough to jump in without a net.

Throwing down his cloth, he wiped his hands on the back of his jeans. Taking a deep breath, he turned to her direction and strode softly over to be closer to the Detective. She noticed him approach, but decided to see what he would do. Rick came across where she was sitting, and took the same place in the next chair as he did the night before.

Taking a deep breath, Kate began, "Rick, I don't know what exactly just happened, but I'm not going anywhere, but I will give you all the space and time you need. I hope that you can forgive me, and that you'll choose us." She paused, trying to keep the momentum and bypass her emotions, "But whatever you choose, know that our time together has been so very special. It made me realize that you are more than just a partner, or a friend. You…you're part of me, and I'll always love you. I don't know what…"

"Stop right there." Rick interjected loudly, his face serious, and Kate stopped speaking immediately, hanging on his next words, thinking that they would hold the answer to their future.

Rick turned to look her in the eyes. "Kate, I love you, and for a moment, I let things, insecurities, worries and bad memories cloud that. But that stops right now."

Kate was floored. "Castle I just want you to be sure, that we…"

Her words were stopped, as his lips silenced them. The kiss was full of emotion, a promise of more to come, of happiness and progress.

"I said stop right there!" Rick said as he ended the kiss slowly, and he kissed her on the cheek, then the forehead, as Kate pulled him into a tighter embrace.

Kate was happy, overjoyed, and even a bit surprised. She expected him to ask her for more time, and some distance, and he did the exact opposite. Looking at him, she saw love reflecting on his face, every inch showing her his feelings.

Holding her tightly, Rick stroked her back as he spoke, "I know that we still have some things to talk about, and we seriously need to work on our communication skills, but for me, being apart another moment is not an option."

Kate's heart quickened at his declaration. She couldn't agree more. "That goes for me, too. I don't want to be apart from you anymore. Rick, I love you. I won't let you regret this."

Rick looked at her seriously, "That's not what all this was about. We love each other, and we have to learn to trust each other with our hearts, like we already do with our lives on the job." His thumb grazed on her cheek, swiping a tear that had slipped from her eyes and down onto her cheek.

"That sounds perfect. I'm in." Kate stated, her eyes diving deeply into his, showing him her devotion.

Rick grazed her cheek, lifting her chin up and met her with a sweet kiss. This one, like the last, was meant to seal their agreement. They were together… no more doubt.

They decide that any more discussion would be about them, about how to be together. The took a walk on the beach, and discussed their past before the met one another, they covered how each of them came to adulthood, and their experiences with young love, with bad decisions, and how they came to be who they are, including more childhood memories about Beckett's family. There was no agenda, just the need to talk, to communicate with each other and to be good at it.

Rick navigated them back from the beach, and off the lanai, sitting in his white Adirondack chairs. He rushed back into the house to open a bottle of wine and two glasses. He let it breathe as he carried his bounty back with him to Kate's side.

"We'll give that a few minutes to breathe, and then we can enjoy." Rick advised as he reached out and took her hand.

The pair sat quietly, just taking in the beauty of the location and the day. The ocean breeze was refreshingly crisp, but not uncomfortable.

Rick turned more to face the woman who owned his heart. "So, no pressure, I just want to know your thoughts. But you must have given it some thought, where do you see us going?"

Kate looked at him. just hours ago, she was debating how to live without him, and now he wanted to know her future plans. She smiled at the intensity of it all. "Gee, Castle, when you go all in, you really go all in, don't ya?"

Rick smiled at her tease. "I guess I do. But that's not an answer."

Kate stroked the web of his thumb as she put her desires into words. "I have given it some thought. I hope we have something long term, here. I feel like there was a part of me that was missing, like a puzzle piece. When you told me you loved me, it was if that puzzle piece snapped into place. I can see myself with you, and that's never happened to me, before, with anyone else."

Rick smiled at her words, love penetrating even further into his very being. "That's nice. I think that we complement one another well. When I met you, I felt this…spark. I thought that it was simple attraction, but the more I saw, the more I wanted to know. The more you opened up to me, I was blown away. It's not about Nikki Heat, not for a long time. I am utterly besotted with you, Kate Beckett. So I am looking at the long term, myself."

Kate's grin lit the space. "Besotted? That's quite the declaration, Rick. I thought I was the closet romantic." Kate let her hand softly stroke his cheek. "Maybe we can get each other."

"Oh, I certainly hope so," Rick replied, his smile relaying a sensual tone as he continued, "I can't wait to see why and how I 'had no idea'".

Kate returned the smile, and replied to the writer, "I think that you will, soon. Until then, you'll still have no idea."

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To be continued in the next chapter. Reviews, favorites and follows are love. Thanks in advance!


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer:** This is a work of fan fiction. I don't own the characters related to the TV series, Castle, but there are a couple of mine in here that I do. However, they are too poor to go to acting school, and are just fodder to advance the storyline along. No infringement was intended, no profit to be gained, and no harm intended. So there. Now, on with the story.

**A/N: **Hi all, I hope you know just how well you are just thrilling me with all your reviews, follows and favorites. Thank you!

The previous fluff and mask warning is in effect. Please see last chapter for a reminder, LOL.

OK, so now on to the story…and now, the moment we've all been waiting for… and with that, I'll leave you to read the story to figure out what that moment is… ;)

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**Chapter Twelve - Drowning in You**

"Mr. Castle, so lovely to see you and your lovely guest, tonight." The man, dressed in a black suit, met Rick and Kate at the door of Elise, the best French restaurant in the Hamptons.

"Marshall! Its been ages, how's the family?" Rick asked, his face lighting up in happiness, as he spotted the maître d' to lead them to their seat. The two shook hands as they approached.

"Oh, just great, thanks so much for asking. Please, let me help you to your table. I took the liberty to place you in the garden." The man explained, as he led them to their seats.

Kate tugged at Rick's sleeve, and he lagged back to see what she needed. "We're eating in the garden? In March?" Kate asked, confused.

Rick's smile lit his face before he answered quietly, "The garden is their private dining area. They call it the garden, to not let on to those not able to eat there. It's usually reserved for celebrities or dignitaries, so they keep it hush-hush."

"Ah. OK. To the garden we go, then!" Kate said with a grin, as Rick reached down and took her hand, leading her to the private dining room. Kate's dress was a black, knee-length number that she and Rick picked up earlier in the day. It fit her well, and Rick had to result to subterfuge to keep her from buying it. He couldn't let her buy the dress - he had to get it for her, as they were going to celebrate together.

The meal was perfect, the private area gave them ample time to be attentive, playful and affectionate with each other without the worry of prying eyes or paparazzi.

The pair fed one another, held hands, shared conversation, and small kisses occasionally. It could not have gone better. Kate felt herself opening up to Rick, in a way she never felt before. Rick felt drawn more deeply to his muse than he thought possible. The night was shaping up to be a success. As they finished, Rick pulled out his cell to call for a car, but was stopped by Kate's hand on his wrist. He swore that he could feel the skin tingle and burn from her touch. He stopped instantly, waiting for her to speak.

"It's a nice night, and still early - let's walk." Kate suggested.

"I'm game." Rick said as he rose and offered his hand to the woman, she slid her hand into his easily. That tingle was back. "Let's do it." He continued.

The night breeze blew through Kate's hair gently. It was refreshing, and for Rick, it was disconcerting, as it made her more irresistible. "Thank you for tonight. It really was lovely." Kate said, her voice breaking the silence between them.

Rick squeezed her hand affectionately as he replied, "Anything for you, Kate. I…I'm so glad you could be here with me. I know that we didn't have the best start, but I want you to know…"

Kate interrupted his reply turning to him, resting her finger against his lips. "Castle, it's OK, we're moving on together.."

Rick in turn interrupted Kate, this time by placing his lips against hers. The kiss was soft, unassuming, and they rested together for a few moments, before Rick reached around and stroked the skin of her neck, under her hair, pulling her to him. Kate opened her mouth in time with the writer, inviting him in, his tongue grazing hers in a slow, lingering pass. The detective's hands slid up Rick's broad shoulders, one hand traveling further up, into his hair, as the strands tickled her fingers. Each could feel the intensity of the moment climbing, the fires of the moment being stoked into a brighter, hotter blaze.

"Kate…Kate, we have to stop." Rick plead with her.

His voice injected a bit of reality into there ears, as she slowed the kiss and pulled away. "Why?" She asked, she heard her own voice speak, hearing a twinge of doubt peek through.

"Not why you might think." Rick explained, letting out a deep breath. "If we continue that kiss in the middle of the street, I'm not going to be able to stop. If we don't stop, we're going to be arrested as I attempt to ravage you in public!"

Kate's heart sped up from happiness. She giggled as she replied, "Well, by all means then, Castle, let's get home."

"Home." Rick said as a warm, comfortable smile took over his face. "I like the sound of that."

The pair practically ran back to the house.

As the front door shut behind them, Rick had Kate in his arms, pressed up against the unyielding surface of the wooden door. One hand tangled itself in her hair, while the other ran over the surface of her hip, stroking her side through her dress, the fabric bunching under his hand. Kate slid her lips from his mouth, to run kisses down his throat, to his Adam's apple. Rick's eyes slid closed in the exquisite torture of the moment. His breathing ragged and husky as she moved back to take his lips once again.

Rick deepened the kiss, the intensity continued to spiral upward in passion. Rick had slid both hands in her hair, pulling her head back slightly, sliding his lips onto the column of her neck, pulling in time with her heartbeat. The sensation was amazing. Castle slid his hand down onto her chest, slowly stroking the flesh under his skin, feeling her pulse quicken at his touch. He followed his touch with moist kisses to the skin at her throat and her chest. Kate's skin was on fire…she had to have more of him.

"Rick, I love you." Kate said as she rested her hands on either side of his head, her thumbs stroking his sideburns, and up, onto his ears, slowly, patiently, as she lifted his head, bringing his eyes into her line of sight. Staring at each other for a moment, the passion radiating from them in waves, until Kate reached out and took his hand in hers. The warmth of her touch thrilled him as she pulled him with her, towards the stairs. The couple engaged in kisses all the way to the top, where Rick took charge, and pulled her to his bedroom.

Kate was the first to break the kiss, as she slid his jacket from his shoulders, and kissed the side of his neck as she slowly unbuttoned his shirt. Rick was busy as well, as he slid the long zipper of her dress down, parting the fabric along her back. She shivered slightly at the air as it hit her back, then let the dress slide to the floor, as she stepped from her shoes.

"Kate…I want you, now." Rick said as he drew her back to him. She was sliding the clasp of his belt free, removing his pants as he spoke leaving him in his boxers and her in her bra and panties. Looking Castle in the eye, she reached forward and unclasped her bra. Rick stood in wonder, taking in the beauty of the woman before him. Never in his wildest dreams could he have ever imagined her - passion, intellect, and beauty all wrapped into one exquisite being.

Rick stepped forward, taking her again in a strong embrace, lifting her and placing her on the bed. He lowered her onto the mattress with ease, his heart pounding so loudly, he could barely hear anything else. As he rose, he removed her last covering, letting the silk slide down her legs and dropped them on the floor. He stood a moment, his eyes memorizing every inch of the woman that he loved, that meant more to him than any other woman he had ever known.

Rick's visual exploration rested at her eyes. He could see everything in her eyes. "Kate, before we go on, I just want to make sure that you're on board with this…that this is what you are sure you want. Because this is it - you're it for me. I wouldn't make it through the day if you weren't with me, Kate. I love you."

Kate's lips quivered in emotion as she took in this beautiful, sensitive soul. He'd seen pain and disappointment, and she knew that he loved her, but needed this assurance from her. "Castle," She paused, letting her breath slow slightly, so she could speak, as she looked straight into his eyes, making sure he could know her candor. "Rick, I am more sure of this than anything. I love you, I want you and I want to be with you. I'm not going anywhere, not without you… not anymore."

The response brought a bright smile on the writer's face. Sliding his boxers to the floor, he stepped out of them and lowered himself onto the bed, partially onto the woman he loved. Their kisses drove them on to greater depths of passion, sealing their promises as they explored one another, claimed one another, and drew one another to new heights…together.

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To be continued in the next chapter…

Thanks again and please remember, reviews, follows and favorites are love. :)


	13. Chapter 13

Hi everyone! Thanks so much for the amazing reviews, as well as the follows and favorites. I truly can't believe how much response I have gotten from this story. I have also received some great tips and constructive feedback, as well. I will be looking to overhaul a few things after I have finished the posts to the story, so I can work on it all at once.

Sorry for the delay in getting this posted. I will look to get this posted in it's entirety within the next week to 10 days. Its 18 chapters and an epilogue, so things should start picking up with the upload speeds, LOL. :)

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**Chapter Thirteen - Magic**

The early morning sun began to seep through the room slowly, landing on the new lovers, who were already awake, enjoying the feel, the sensations. Words were few, but the feelings were intense, real. Castle was still, save for the gentle stroking sweep his hands were making across Kate's arm. _His Kate_. He smiled at the warm feeling that possessive statement gave to him. Kate's body was draped down the length of the writer. When she observed he was awake, too, she slowly moved her mouth to his chest, grazing the skin there with her lips, kissing him softly, reverently. They had brought each other to and over the brink of ecstasy over and again through the night, and the coming morning only served to intensify their feelings. It truly was a magical night.

Kate's kisses rose from his chest, up to this neck, which was sporting several love bites from their night together. She couldn't get enough of Rick, and truth be told, also judging from the number of love bites on her, Rick couldn't get enough of Kate, either.

"Good morning." The detective said softly as she reached the junction of Rick's neck and jaw.

"Morning, and yes, it is good. Amazing, in fact." Rick said drowsily, as a sensual grin slid onto his face. Reaching up as he stroked his arms up the naked flesh of her back, his hands took purchase on her arms, pulling her closer, joining their lips together. The kiss was intense, mouths opened to greet the other, taking pleasure of one tongue stroking the other, the pull of their lips deepening the kiss. After several moments, the kiss ended on its own.

"Mmmm…yes it is…amazing." Kate agreed, as her eyes slid open once again, her hands running casually through her lover's hair. _Her lover_. She reveled in the word, but in truth, it didn't do what he really was to her justice. He was her happiness, her joy, her…everything. She felt the warmth of his hand as it slid into her hair. Kate took the moment to draw him again into a small, almost chase, kiss.

Their eyes locking, smiles sealing their joint assessment of each other's take on their coupling. It had been perfect.

Kate sighed, as she curled her arm under her chin, resting it on the bend of her elbow, as she spoke. "You know, I was worried, what with how quickly we got together, that things might be awkward between us." She paused as he ran his thumb over her lips, cupping her cheek affectionately. "I'm so glad it's not."

"Well, it really wasn't all that quick, Kate." Rick supplied as he continued the limited exploration of her skin that he could reach, given her position and the sheet over their bodies. "I mean, we've been doing this dance for over three, nearly fours years, now. It was overdue, if you ask me."

Kate gave a gentle laugh, "Well, that's true, but I think that timing wise," She slid forward, edging just ever so close to his lips, but not touching. "It was just" a small kiss punctuated the pause, "perfect". The kiss took a deeper, more passionate tone, and Rick slid his hands beneath the sheet, sliding his hands down her shoulders, across the smooth planes of her back, and resting upon the gently sloping curve of her hips, cupping her rear as he stopped the journey.

The kiss once again ended on its own accord. Rick looked at her like a love starved puppy, as he spoke. "I have to hand it to ya, I really had no idea."

Kate smiled in satisfaction, the words from the end of their first case together coming easily to mind. She stroked his cheek in happiness, taking time to relish the feel of his morning stubble across her fingers. Despite their conjoined happiness, Kate pulled back a bit, once again resting her chin on her arm, and began, "We need to talk."

Rick stilled his motion, looking into her eyes as he replied, "Well, that doesn't sound good. It certainly doesn't match all that 'amazing' talk we just had. Is there cause for worry?"

Kate caught on to what he was implying, "No, no, not that. I just thought that, since we have just another day or so here before I have to head back to work…I just thought that we should talk about it." Her voice belied her calm expression, and soon her face matched her tone, as she rolled her lower lip under her teeth, awaiting his response.

Castle paused, then began his reply, "Well…since we've managed to quit fighting…this…" He paused, looking down, taking their naked form, intimate in every way, then continued, "I don't see why I wouldn't be back, right by your side, in the precinct." He ran his finger down the slope of her nose, resting on her lips, as she kissed the offered digit.

"Nice," she smiled and paused for just a moment, "I'm glad. I don't want to be without you there." She paused, allowing the giddy moment to ebb and flow for a bit, then continued, "There's one other thing, when we are at work…I don't want us to let on that we are together. If Gates gets wind of this, she can end our partnership…".

Rick looked down in thought as she spoke, and as she ended in a pause, he looked back up to her eyes. The love there he saw spoke volumes. She was invested, and protective of this burgeoning relationship. The joy in his heart spilled out through his eyes. "I agree. We want to stay together in the precinct, and I refuse to give THIS up, so it makes perfect sense." He paused for a moment, then asked, "What about family, Lanie and the boys? Do we share with them, or not?"

Kate thought for a second and then stated, "I think we'd have a hard time keeping it from your mother and Alexis. As for the boys and Lanie, it might be best to hold off, for now, at least. We work with them, so it would only make it difficult to keep it out of work, right?"

Rick smiled at her and answered, "See, I knew I loved you for a reason, you just so darn smart!" He said as he kissed her, hand, then took the time to clasp her hand, allowing her fingers to thread with his.

Rick let his smile relax a bit, as well, and began, "Well, since we are having constructive conversations, I have one too."

"Oh you do, do ya?" Kate teased, the fingers on the hand resting beneath her grazing his chest, popping slowly over his nipple. She loved the freedom they had now with each other.

"Yeah," Castle replied, "I want to state my intentions, here." Kate's hand stilled, she was on tenterhooks, awaiting his next words. _Wasn't this all happening to soon? Too quickly? Why don't I feel really all that worried._

Rick looked deeply in her eyes again as he continued, "I don't want to scare you off, here, but I just want you to know…that it's my intention to not waste any more time waiting and worrying if it's the right time anymore. The bombing case taught me one thing, if nothing else…not to waste any time. So, here it is…I intend to move things along as quickly as we are both comfortable. That doesn't mean that we have to get married tomorrow, but I love you and I want you with me - I'm tired of being without you, and I don't see that ending anytime soon. So if you get to a point where you think we're moving too fast, say something, ok? "

Kate's lips slid into an unguarded, unthinking smile. In fact, it let the room. She could not keep him in suspense any longer. "You've got a deal, Rick. I love you, too. So, where do we go from here?"

Rick's smile matched her own, as he responded, "We spend the rest of the day in bed. Then day after tomorrow, we head back to the city, and go back to work Monday, as if nothing happened. We talk to our parents and Alexis, and let them know we're together. And then in the next few weeks, we start moving you into the loft. I want us together, and if you're ok with all that, I say we start as soon as possible."

Kate smiled and pushed an errant lock of hair off his forehead, then replied, "Rick, I just want to say that we have to face hardships together, if this is going to work. I also think that even though I move in, we keep my place for a while..not for a place to hide from you, but to help with keeping Gates from knowing, and also we could have it as a quiet place to get away sometimes from family, or if we just need quiet time to think. We have to agree that we don't run, we stick with each other. If something comes up that we can't face together, we get help. It doesn't have to be Dr. Burke, but someone that can help us find the answers, together."

Rick lifted their locked fingers up from his chest, drawing it to his lips to place a kiss on the back of her hand. "So, what do you say, Kate?"

Kate took a deep breath that ended in a sigh as her lips turned upwards into a relaxed smile. "The only thing I can say, Rick, is I'm in."

Rick was happy at her agreement, but at the back of his mind, a seed of concern over keeping her place took hold. But for now, he'd go with it and watch. After all, they just agreed to speak up if there was any concern. _Keeping the place doesn't mean she's having second thoughts, after all, right?_

Their faces both aglow with happiness, Rick let go of her fingers to hold onto her, as he rolled her over onto her back, lowering his lips to hers for a loving kiss to seal the agreement. "'In' is a good place to be. I love you, Kate."

Kate smiled timidly, "I love you too, Rick."

"And speaking of 'In', I have a few ideas of just how to do that. Right now." Rick suggested, moving upon her more firmly, the evidence of his arousal becoming more apparent at Kate's thigh. He kissed her hard, aligning their bodies better together.

Breaking the kiss, Kate smiled, her face giving a naughty smirk at his tease, "Well, Mr. Castle, I suggest we start investigating those ideas, right now."

The teasing conversation ended abruptly, replaced with moans, laughs and breathless sighs.

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To be continued with the next chapter. This concludes the latest installment of the fluff hour, LOL!

Thanks again and please remember, reviews, follows and favorites are love. :)


	14. Chapter 14

Hi all! We are winding down to the last few chapters, and so without further adieu, I give you chapter 14. Thank you to each and every one of you that has taken the time to read this story, and a special dose of thank you to those that have taken the time to review, follow or favorite this story. You all are the cream to my coffee. :)

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**Chapter Fourteen - Where You Are**

The scenery returning from the Hamptons was picturesque. Trees, water, boats and open fields whizzed past as the black SUV made its way back towards New York City, officially ending the productive and somewhat restful few days spent at the Hamptons by the new couple. Rest was in the eye of the beholder. If by rest, one meant late and some sleepless nights making love, talking, laughing, and communing with each other, then yes, the trip was quite restful, for the most part.

The trip, it was decided, was to be made in Rick's vehicle, together. They would leave Kate's bike garaged at the home, and they would come back over the next weekend and retrieve it. Kate relished the additional time she could spend with the writer on the trip home.

Beckett shifted just a slight bit as Rick's hand rested on her thigh, as he squeezed lightly in affection, just to let her know she was in his thoughts. Kate's hand rested gently on top of the writer's, and as she stroked the back of his hand, along the gaps between his fingers. She fit hers within the open spaces, and was basking in her new-found appreciation of the man's talented hands. Before this trip, she knew that the writer possessed magic fingers, able to spin a tale of mystery, romance, action and intrigue, but never in her wildest dreams could she ever have realized their true talent. She had been driven over the edge countless times, thanks in no small part, to the dexterous wonderment known as Rick Castle's hands. Kate felt the warmth of arousal worm its way into her being at the thought of their activities over the last few days. Seeing as they were on the road, she knew that she needed to reign in her thoughts…for now. But still, she couldn't help thinking of Rick and how gentle and attentive a lover he turned out to be. She had slept with other men before, of course, but none of them held a candle to Rick. He was truly in a class all his own. And she was in love with him, which in itself was a new finding for her, too.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Rick asked as he gave another small squeeze, letting his hand slide up and down briefly, in affection.

Kate smiled as she turned from the window to face him, "Oh, Ricky, don't you know about inflation? A penny back in the day will run you at least ten bucks now!"

Rick shook his head as he laughed. "You're something else. OK, so ten bucks for your thoughts?"

"Yes, I am, but that's talk for later." Kate gave a small wink and a laugh as she continued, "I was just thinking about going back to work. I don't want anything to change…with us."

Rick sighed as he turned his hand over against her thigh, clasping her hand fully within his. The connection was immediate. "We don't let it. We call the shots…and we just have to place our relationship as top priority over the twelfth."

That gave Kate a pathway into a topic she had not yet covered, and yet felt a little nervous about with Rick. "So, you…are… gonna be back with me at work, right?" She gave a little more emphasis to get her point across. They had spoken of so much, but had not yet discussed their plans towards work.

Rick smiled at her, the nervous question showing on her face. Loving each other and growing together had made him be able to see each emotion on her face like never before. "You've been worried about that, huh?"

Kate was quiet for a beat, then answered, "I…yeah."

"Kate, don't be. Yes, I'll be back to the precinct. In a few days." Rick explained.

"You have meetings with Black Pawn?" Kate asked, thinking that was the reason he would delay his return.

"Actually, no." Rick reasoned, "I thought that I might give Gates a few days to calm down. From what you told me, she sounded pretty pissed with me."

"No, I don't think so." Kate replied.

"Really?" Rick looked shocked at Kate's response. "How so?"

Kate smiled as she explained, "I covered. Told her you were called away by your publisher and had no choice."

Rick looked surprised at the response. "You covered for me? And I'd left you. I'm…I…I don't know what to say, Kate."

"Well, that's a first." Kate smirked, attempting to lighten up the moment with humor. It worked, as evidenced by Rick's smile and laughter.

Kate continued, "She probably didn't buy it fully, so she may give you a little grief, but nothing you can't handle. As for covering, that's what partners do, you know?"

"True." His face lit up with a smile as they continued their happy banter.

The couple fell silent for a few miles, neither feeling compelled to speak just to fill the silence, happy in their companionship.

Rick was the first to break the silence, as he awaited his turn at the toll booth. "So, you mind a little company tonight at your place?"

The detective smiled and replied, "You mean you're not going home tonight?"

Rick paused for a second before responding, "You are my home, Kate. I'm home wherever you are."

Kate's heart fluttered at the response. No one had ever held her in such reverence. Without any conscious thought, she leaned over and gave him a kiss, letting it linger a moment, savoring the softness of his lips on hers. A honk from behind the vehicle broke the romantic moment.

At that moment, an unspoken understanding fell between them: they would not spend another night apart.

Smiling at each other, Rick traversed the route through the toll plaza, then they were on their way, once again.

"So, you want to go out for dinner?" Kate offered, trying to plan their evening.

Rick gave a thought before answering, "What do ya say about staying in? We can pick up some food, I'll cook while you prepare for being back at work tomorrow, check your mail and whatever. I'll call the loft and talk to Alexis and mother and let them know our plans to be back there tomorrow."

Kate nodded in agreement, "Sounds perfect."

Rick smirked wickedly at his lover, "Besides, it'll give me more time to try out your bed. I can't wait!" His smile was infectious.

"I've created a sex fiend!" Kate declared teasingly. "Is that all you think about?"

"Tell me you're any better!" Rick demanded, his face slipping into a sensual gaze as he teased.

Sighing, Kate paused a moment, then replied with a shy smile, "Guilty as charged."

Rick did something that was unexpected…he didn't gloat at getting her to admit the truth. instead, he lifted their clasped hands and placed a gentle kiss on the back of her hers, then let them both rest in the space between them. Kate pulled their joined hands once again back onto her lap, using her other hand to lovingly stroke his lower arm. He sighed in contentment.

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The night had been heavenly, with Rick cooking seafood marinara with angel hair pasta, and they spent the rest of the night making love and basking in the afterglow and the warmth of each other's presence. The adventure began with heated kisses and touches on the couch, then adjourning to the bedroom. Both fell asleep curled together, skin on skin, as comfortable and relaxed with the arrangement as if they had slept together every day. Then, waking in the early morning hours, they spent a leisurely time in her bed, still making up for lost time before slipping back once again into the pull of slumber.

Waking together was a pleasurable feeling for the detective. The first thing she noticed was the caress of his legs against hers. The brush of the hair on his legs upon hers wasn't ticklish, but rather another layer to the sensual, tactile being Rick Castle was. He pulled her against him, rolling her under him as their mouths connected in a deep, languid kiss. Each brush of their lips drew them deeper into the feelings and sensations that were now rolling free from both of them. Kate felt his arousal, brushing her thigh, just at the same time his mouth slid to her neck and attached to it there. Her hands slid down, taking him into her grasp, he increased the pressure on her neck in response. Just as the passion was bringing them to the point of no return, Kate's phone rang, the sound breaking the enjoyable tension they were climbing towards together.

Kate drew his face into her hands, kissing him hard quickly, then reached over and answered her phone as she pulled away from his mouth. "Beckett". Rick could hear Ryan's voice every few syllables, and based on Kate's face, knew a murder had taken place. Kate looked over at him and mouthed, "Sorry".

Rick decided to act just a bit naughty, and leaned over, placing soft kisses on Kate's inner thigh just above her knee, taunting her. Kate, doing her best to show no change in her voice, as her lover decided to play dirty, despite the changes his touch brought her. She was aroused. Seriously. Kate reached down, grabbing handfuls of Castle's hair, anchoring him in place. He didn't stop, but just stayed in place, laving her thigh with his kisses and his tongue. His touch began to ascend her thigh, creating an even greater sensation in the woman he loved.

Kate was growing even more distracted, and not getting all of what Ryan was saying as to the location of the scene, so she interrupted him, "Just text me the details and I'll be there soon." Throwing her phone on the table after ending the call, she inquired, "What do you call that?"

Rick looked up from her thigh, where he had left a sizable love bite, said, "Has it been so long that you can't remember what this is called? It's distraction, foreplay, revving your engine, getting you primed. Need more metaphors and explanation?"

"You're lucky I love you, or I'd kick your ass for distracting me!" She replied, as she slid back fully onto the mattress. Now, get back on top and finish what we started- but quickly, babe."

"Aye, aye, Ma'am" Rick answered as he climbed back in place, his mouth once again busy, kissing the woman he loved.

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To be continued in chapter fifteen. And you know what? I think I will post it now, as well! Please read and review and again, thank you so much for taking the journey with me.


	15. Chapter 15

So, as promised, I am posting this chapter at the same time as chapter 14. Enjoy, and please enjoy, review, follow and favorite! Here goes…

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**Chapter Fifteen - Light of Day**

Kate stepped off the elevator and into the bullpen of the Twelfth. It was as if she hadn't been away at all. The noises, smells, and sights were all the same, just another day. She missed Rick already, and she hadn't yet reached her desk. After their quick but passionate pairing, he let her know that he would be going home to clean up and talk with his mother. He told Kate that he had not been completely straightforward with the older woman, and he wanted to set things right. So, she was here at her desk, looking at the empty chair, just as she had been days before. Only now, she knew where he had been. She had left him in her bed, as she headed out to the crime scene, and she'd be staying at his place tonight. She'd laid out some key items, as well as a few days of clothing still in the dry cleaning bags for him to take with him when he left, sparing her a trip back to the apartment before going to his loft.

But it didn't stop her from missing his presence by her side, at work. No one really knew about the incident that left the couple almost separated permanently, so there would be no awkward pauses or looks in the direction of the writer, so his coming back would be uneventful, most likely.

Espo's voice pulled her back to the precinct. _Maybe focusing on work will make the day go faster, anyway. _Kate mused inwardly.

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The door opened with a click of the key in the lock. Rick stepped easily through the door, duffle on his shoulder, Kate's dry cleaning bag hanging down his back, anchored to the fingers holding the hangers at shoulder level. Pushing the door shut with his foot, Rick went directly to his bedroom, placing his precious cargo in the closet. Just as he left his room, he heard noise from the kitchen. Looking through the bookshelves, he spotted his Mother stirring about in the kitchen, placing a magazine on the breakfast bar and sipping coffee.

"Hello, Mother." Rick greeted as he stepped from the office into the living area. Martha spun around in her chair at the sound of her son's voice. Stepping off the stool, she padded over to her son, hugging him firmly, relieved he was ok and home. "Richard, thank God you're back. Don't ever do that again!"

Rick hugged his mother in return, pleasantly surprised at her relief. "Yes, mother. I'll try not to do that again."

Martha pulled back from the embrace, as she asked, "What happened? Did Kate find you?"

The mention of the woman's name brought a smile to his face. "Yeah. She found me. We had a chance to talk, and to spend some very constructive time together. It seems I was wrong." Rick said as he and Martha sat in the living room to continue.

"Yes, it does," Martha agreed, and then continued, "Kate came to see me before she left to find you. At first, I thought she might be just looking for you to pull you back to work. But…I don't know…the look in her eyes, she looked as if she were drowning and you were the only thing to save her. I knew then that she was not doing something so cold and heartless as you had first thought. My heart broke for the poor girl."

Rick frowned at the description of how Kate seemed at the loft. His intention was to sever ties, but he couldn't have known how it affected Kate, as he thought she simply didn't care for him in that way. "I have so much to make up for with her, Mother."

"Nonsense." Martha stated dismissively. "The thing you have to do is to open up to each other and keep talking. This happened because neither of you knew what the other had in mind."

Rick was impressed at his mother's insight. "That seems true. Well, we took a few days to express our feelings for each other, we talked and made it clear as to our intentions and our plans to remain together at work, too. We also talked and I let her know that I've wasted too much time and I don't want to be without her any longer. So, over the next couple of weeks, we're gonna move her into the loft. If all goes well, she'll be living here by Easter or so."

Martha's mouth was agape, not from disapproval but from surprise. "Well done, Richard! I know that to some it might seem fast, but you have had years together in some form, dancing around each other. I say seize the day! It's so great that you two have no reservations."

Rick didn't answer, and his smile didn't quite reach his face. Martha picked up on it instantly, in a way only a Mother could. "There's something you're not telling me, what is it that has your mind so preoccupied?"

Rick looked up in surprise for a moment, then turned his head downward once again as he answered, "I'm not sure…maybe it's nothing."

"It has to be something if it has you looking this way just moments after telling me the woman you have loved for years finally loves you and wants to live with you! Tell me." Martha coaxed the information from her son.

Rick let out a soft sigh, then replied, "Well…Kate wants to move in with me. But, she also wants to keep her place. I don't get it. Does she need an insurance policy - you know, something to fall back on just in case she makes a mistake by moving in?"

Martha felt for her son. Taking his hand in hers, she waited until he looked up, his eyes finding hers. "Oh my dear, dear boy. You never do anything by halves, do you?" The woman slid a motherly smile on her face, her expression full of love and empathy for her only child. "I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but…actually…I agree with Kate's idea to keep the place for a while."

Rick was shocked. "Why? I thought you were for us being together?"

Martha held on to his hand, despite his attempt to dislodge it from between hers. "Richard, what I mean is that you've been in love with Kate Beckett for far longer than you've cared to admit. Then when you do say something, she may have felt the same way, but for reasons that were important to her, she couldn't open up that way just yet. So, this is all new for her, I'm sure. You and Kate are on the same page now, so enjoy it. Although you've loved each other for years, you're just coming together now, so it's a little faster for Kate than for you. Be together, be in love, keep talking to each other, and it will all be alright."

* * *

"Thank you for talking to me, Mrs. Cavendish. We will do everything we can to find out what happened to your grandson, and bring his killer to justice." She reached into her pocket, producing a business card which she placed in the elderly woman's hand. "Please let me know if you have any questions. My number's at the bottom."

Kate stepped through the door of the apartment, and made her way to the elevator, where she would meet up with Espo and Ryan back at the crime scene below. Reaching the elevator, her phone rang just before her hand lifted to press the down button, calling for the elevator car. She paused, reached for her phone and smiled when Rick's face displayed on the screen. "Tell me you've reconsidered and you're coming in today."

Rick smiled at the sense of familiarity with which she showed him, at not answering properly. "I don't even rate a standard 'Beckett' when you answer? Miss me that bad, huh?"

Kate's lips rose in a sly smile of their own accord, as she replied, "You have no idea, Ricky." Glancing around to ensure she was alone at the elevator, she continued, "I've missed you ever since I had to leave you in my bed this morning. I've wanted you all day."

Rick loved it when she called him "Ricky". It was playful, teasing coming from her, and frankly, sexy as hell. He could feel the soft stirring of arousal, just from her tone in the conversation. "Come home for a late lunch and we could remedy that."

The phrase, "Afternoon delight" came to mind instantly and made her smile. "Don't tempt me. I wish I could, but the boys and I caught a case this morning. It's so sad. A young boy stabbed to death right in front of his apartment building, where he lived with his grandmother. From all accounts, he was a model kid in every way. It's just so senseless, Castle." Her tone changed from playful to sad as she recounted the details of the case to her partner-cum-boyfriend.

"I know it just seems so random, and it is, but surely his family will take comfort that they have the best homicide team in the city searching for the killer." Rick explained, trying to give support and comfort in the limited way he could over the phone.

"Well, maybe so once we get our fourth member back in play and we catch the bastard responsible for his death." Kate replied, a not-so-subtle hint that she missed him, falling from her lips.

Rick smiled, "You are nothing if not determined, are ya, Kate? I'll be back on the job tomorrow. Today, I am going to go to the store to create a dinner so delightful, you will never want to leave this loft again."

"Oh really? That's supposed to woo me? That you're going to make a meal that will turn me into an agoraphobic hermit? Not really sexy, Castle." Kate teased, biting her lip to keep form laughing at the obvious spluttering of frustration coming from her lover at her reply.

"Gee, Beckett, don't go make it all overly romantic. That's not what I meant and you know it. I was even going to pick up that special vintage of red you love so much, now I am reconsidering." Rick smiled at his reply, once he found his verbal footing. She really was his equal in every way.

"No, no. Get the wine. please. I'm sorry for having too much fun at your expense, babe." Kate apologized, but inwardly, she wasn't sorry, since this was basically verbal foreplay for the unusual but evenly matched couple. "I'll be home as soon as I wrap up a few things here. Thanks for taking my things so I can stay the week without going back to the apartment again."

Rick loved that she called the loft "home" and her place "the apartment". Maybe he was overthinking the whole "keep the apartment" thing, after all. Time would tell. "Sounds good. I can't wait to see you, babe."

Kate's heart sped up with the endearment that they called each other, by some unspoken agreement. "OK then, I'll be there as soon as we close up for the day and I swing by for clothes. I love you, Rick."

"Love you too." Rick said too, his voice deep and full of wonder at being able to openly say it to her, and for Kate to say it back so effortlessly, as well.

* * *

Still smiling after ending the call with Kate, Rick decided he would commemorate their first meal together in the loft with a little gift. He could pick it up while he was out. Letting his thumb slide across the phone's screen, he skimmed his contact list for his friend and jeweler, Ed Delaney.

"Ricky Castle, it's been a while! How's life treating you, buddy?" The boisterous voice greeted Rick upon the call being accepted.

"Ed, my man! I'm great, how's the best quarterback Edgewyck Academy ever saw, huh?" Rick asked in a familiar greeting. Truth be told, he and Ed never associated at Edgewyck, but rather became friends in college, as they found themselves familiar faces in the sea of academia. Further adding to the folly was the fact that they resembled one another quite a bit, both having the same coloring and similar build. Their running joke in college was that each was the other's "Brother from another mother".

"Doing well, thanks." Ed answered, his voice filled with happiness to speak with his long time friend, "The family is great - my oldest, Deana, will start college in the fall. Full scholarship to UCLA pre-med. Can you believe it? I'm gonna have a Doctor in the family, after all!"

"Ed! That's wonderful! I know you and Megan must be so proud." Rick exclaimed, so happy for his friend.

"We are, we are. So, I know you didn't call to hear me dote on my daughter. What can I do for you?" Ed asked, his voice quieting back to conduct business.

Rick paused for a second, then started, "First off, I know I can count on your discretion."

"Of course, Rick." Ed replied, at once.

Rick continued, "Well, I'm dating this remarkable woman. She's very special, extraordinary, even."

Ed interrupted Rick's thoughts, "Sounds serious, Rick."

"It is. I love her - she's the one, Ed." Rick answered. "But I'm not proposing, just yet. We've known each other for years, but only just came together recently. I want to get her a special gift. It's the first jewelry I've gotten her."

"What did you have in mind?" Ed queried.

"I want it to be something she can wear every day, so she can wear it and think of us while she works. She can't do flashy in her line of work. But, I want it to be substantial. I was thinking a bracelet." Rick reasoned.

"I have quite a few pieces that I think would fit the bill, Rick. Why don't you come in today and pick it up?" Ed offered.

"Perfect," Rick answered, "I'll be by in an hour.

"See you then. I have another appointment coming in, so they'll be other customers in the store. I'm sorry I can't offer you a private appointment." Ed apologized.

"Think nothing of it." Rick consoled. "I understand and thanks for fitting me in with such short notice."

"No problem at all, Ricky. See you soon." Ed replied and ended the call.

Rick slid his phone in his pocket, smiling at the giddiness of the opportunity to get a present for his lover. His heart was light, and perhaps his worry about the apartment was just for nothing, after all.

The writer couldn't wait for their new chapter together in the loft to begin. He loved her, knew she loved him, and he was certain that nothing could ever take away the joy he felt overflowing right now in his heart.

* * *

To be continued in the next chapter. Boy, that last sentence should have come with a sound effect! Maybe like the old time movies, Duh Duh Dunnnn... what ever could that mean?

Joking aside, thanks for sticking along this far and for the reviews and favorites/follows. I am so happy you all are reading this and letting me know!


	16. Chapter 16

Hi everyone! Wow, we are winding this thing down! Thank each and every one of you for the reviews, favorites and follows. Here is the beginning of some bumps, and time to take this new couple out of their haven and see what happens when the real world smacks them around...

Again, a language warning for this chapter. Someone has a dirty mouth, but not Castle, this time, LOL!

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**Chapter Sixteen - In a New York Minute**

"Mr. Castle, so nice to see you. Ed told me you were coming." Rick was greeted by a young man, dressed nicely in a black suit, a smile on his face as he held the door for the writer to enter the successful jewelry store.

"Michael, it's very nice to see you. How are your parents?" Rick smiled as he asked, having known Kevin for a few years, since he began working for his friend just out of high school. Now he was in college, just a few years older than Alexis.

"Oh, very well. Mother always asks if I've seen you. She'll be thrilled you asked about them." Michael replied, a warm smile filling his face, making him look even younger than he actually was.

"Yes, please give her and your father my regards." Rick replied happily. It was so good to see young adults find their way. Michael was attending business school and working his way through school with Ed.

"Ed will be out in a moment, may I get you something to drink while you wait?" The young man offered.

"No thanks, Michael. I'll keep." Castle replied, making his way over to the displays, taking a moment to peruse a few bracelets under the glass. They were nice, a little pedestrian and as they were out front, they were not stocked for the high-end clientele, such as himself, but rather the casual buyer.

"Ricky, that was fast! C'mon back, we'll try to get you in and out quickly." Ed welcomed his friend.

"Excellent, Ed, my man! Let's do this." Rick said, rubbing his hands in excitement.

The jeweler led him to the back of the store, and seated him at a small table with a velvet jewelry rest just off to the side. Ed was gone into the vault just a moment, returning with a medium size jewelry tray, also lined in the darkest velvet. Sitting the tray in front of the writer, Ed took a moment and slid back the lid, exposing the precious metals to his friend. "Here is the largest selection. I have a few more in the vault that you can look over, if none of these speak to you."

Rick carefully slid his eyes over each bracelet, each lovelier than the previous. They sparkled from the lighting hitting the surface of the precious metals, the various cuts making the light disperse in different fashion, each catching the light and enhancing the beauty of the piece. But Rick's eyes went to one in particular. A chunky chain, made up of smaller strands forming a rope, in 18 karat yellow gold, it was mixed with additional strands of platinum breaking up the yellow flow of color. It was substantial, but not overly so, that it was pretentious or over the top. Kate could wear it on special occasions, or every day, without drawing attention. It was perfect.

"Ed, I think I've made my choice, here." Rick said as he handed the selection back to his friend. "Kate will absolutely love this one. I know it."

Ed smiled as he responded, "Oh, so it's Kate is it. That wouldn't happen to be same Kate that Nikki Heat is based on, would it?"

"Since I can trust you, my man, yes, it is. We're not going public with this just yet, we've just found each other, you understand, right?" Rick replied, hoping his friend could understand and accept their privacy.

"Say no more, Rick. I'm happy for you both. You look good. I must say love looks good on you, brother." Ed said, his smile infectious, making Rick's face light up and his smile even brighter, too.

"Thanks, Ed." Rick was so happy his friend too this in stride, and he could trust in his discretion.

Ed said nothing else on the topic, but gently polished the bracelet, and placed it into a black, high end jewelry box, his golden engraved company crest glistening atop the case at the center. Sliding the lid closed, he handed it to Rick, who placed it carefully into the inner left pocket of his sport coat. He handed over his credit card easily to Michael, who left quickly to finish the transaction.

Moments after the young man left, Rick heard the bell ring on the front door, indicating someone had opened the door, most likely entering the store, as there was no one present save for Ed and Michael when he arrived. Leaning back in his chair, Rick spotted two men from the side, and his inner spider sense kicked in. _This was the New Amsterdam Bank all over again._ He thought to himself, as he saw the men slide ski caps down over their faces. Within seconds, one of the men had found him and Ed, and they are roughly pushed back towards the center of the store. Ed, a few steps in front of him, didn't hesitate to do what was asked of him. Rick followed as well, a few steps behind.

"Get on your knees! Now!" The shorter man yelled at Ed and Rick. He was brandishing a sawed off shotgun, while the taller man had what appeared to be a .45 pistol.

Rick looked over at Michael, who was closest to pistol man. The writer could see the abject terror in the young man's eyes. He looked like he was gong to explode from the sheer force of fear alone. Standing just feet from the front door, Castle prayed the young man wouldn't do something stupid and get himself killed. What happened next seemed to occur in flow motion, much like those pivotal fight scenes in old, cheesy action flicks. Michael made a move for the door. In a flash, he had the door open and was running through it as the sound of the .45 exploded from within the store, filling the room with the strong scent of cordite from the shot. Michael was struck in the right shoulder, the force of the bullet knocking him forward, nearly off his feet, the mailbox he encountered serving as a bolster to prevent his fall. The adrenaline coursing throughout the young man made him able to keep moving, until he was out of sight from the shooter.

"Fuck!" The pistol man exclaimed, his frustration clearly exposed. "Work faster, we'll be compromised soon."

Shotgun nods in understanding, and takes a step closer to Ed and Castle. Pointing the weapon at Rick, the robber yells, "Lie on the floor and if you move, you're dead." Reaching over, he drags Ed up and to a standing position, shoving him towards the back. "Get your ass to the vault and don't drag your feet if you want to live!"

Ed stumbled from the shove, but quickly recovered. He efficiently emptied the trays of jewels into a garbage bag supplied by the robber and handed it back to Shotgun, who then struck him with the side of the weapon, blood slowly streaming from the cut on Ed's cheek. Bringing the jeweler back out to the main room again, he kicked Ed's feet out from under him, and Rick's friend grunted in pain as his knees solidly struck the hard floor. Rick could not see it, as he was lying on his stomach facing the other direction, but the crunch was enough to make him cringe in sympathy for his friend.

Pistol guy was spaying nothing, as he slammed the butt of his gun into the cases, grabbing the jewelry, and tossing it into his garbage bag, as quickly as possible, and turning his attention to the small register, that was still open. There wasn't much cash, as many used credit cards to make their purchases, but what was there was tossed into the bag, as well.

The tension of the room kicked up exponentially, as police sirens spilled into the room from several directions along the front. Uniformed officers spilled out along the sidewalk across the street, and the sound of heavy trucks were breaking the silence, as well. Castle could only see a small amount of the action from his position on the floor, but he could tell that the trucks were likely SWAT and probably a mobile command center.

Castle surmised that Michael must have survived, and was able to call 911. The police were on scene, they were shutting down the block and taking over the situation. Pistol threw the lock on the door and ducked to the side, pulling the blind over the door, to prevent a straight view into the store. Moving to the middle of the store, he made sure he was out of the view from the large windows at the side of the store, as well. Pistol yelled to Shotgun, "Keep them under control. If one of them make a run for it, kill the other one, I'll get the runner. Nobody's gonna leave here until I say so."

Castle could feel his blood run cold. The robbers were not nervous, they had known to obscure visibility, and even to plan what to do next. They were not nervous newbies, they were seasoned criminals. And Pistol was calling the shots.

The telephone on Ed's desk rang, breaking the silence in the shop, and the tension in the room rose yet again. It was the police. Shotgun tossed the cordless phone on the floor towards Rick. "Answer it, asshole! Put it on speaker phone!" The man commanded the writer.

Rick picked up the phone slowly, and pressed the button, answering the phone. "This is Richard Castle."

The voice on the other end stated, "This is Captain Andrews with the NYPD. I am assuming from what I can see, you're a customer, right?"

"That's correct." Rick said bluntly.

One of the officers in the command truck recognized Castle's name instantly. He was not only a fan, but he had heard of the writer's exploits at the twelfth precinct. Sliding a few feet away, the man slid his phone up to his ear while awaiting the other side to pick up. "Espo. Man, have I got some news for you. We've got a 10-30 in progress with hostages. Espo, one of the hostages is Richard Castle."

"What are their demands?" Andrews asked promptly.

Pistol cut off Rick's retort, "We want safe passage for us and for the unfortunate idiots that are here with us. We then want a car out of here. And tell all the other piggies to stand down!"

Andrews remained calm, OK. We can do that. It'll take us at least an hour to get a car, but we'll start peeling back the extra officers out here now. I'll call with an update in 15 minutes. In the meantime, I'd like your word not to harm anyone in there."

Pistol nodded, Rick took it as a prompt for him to reply. "It seems that is acceptable to them."

The call ended. The promise of no harm should have been a relief, and Rick looked back at this friend, and could see the breath of relief at the words the robbers had promised. But Rick had a feeling in his gut that this was so very far from over.

The outcome just became even more uncertain than it had when the two gunmen came crashing through the door, and wanted nothing but jewels and cash. Now they were bargaining for passage and a car, and Rick knew from past experience that the cops were not going to let them just walk out of here unscathed. They'd never reach the car alive.

They were no longer robbery victims…they were hostages, and were more than likely dead men.

* * *

So we are to be continued until the next chapter. So much tension! But hey, at least no car fire, right? (Too soon?)

Thanks again so much for your reviews. Reviews, favorites and follows are love.


	17. Chapter 17

Author's note: Be prepared for some intense action here. I know that some may not be happy with this chapter, but I beg of you…before you send me death threats, hang on and see where I am going with this. Just remember that I am a die hard shipper, and re-read the author notes on chapter 1. Keep that in mind, please…I won't leave you hanging long until I post what happens…I promise! In fact, I may post the final chapter and epilogue today, too!

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**Chapter Seventeen - The Heat of the Moment**

Esposito felt like he had a rock in his gut at the news he had to convey. Hanging up the phone, he turned to find Kate. She was at her desk, just hanging up her phone, and pulling up a file on her computer. Espo strode quietly over to the woman, pausing a moment, trying to figure out how to tell her the news.

"Cat got your tongue, Espo?" Kate said, without looking over her shoulder, never stopping her typing.

"Beckett, I just got a call from Tommy Stone in SWAT. He's over on Calvert Street and they have a 10-30 in progress with hostages."

Kate watched him, confused at the update. "Espo, why are you telling me this?"

Espo looked her in the eye and replied, "Because Castle is in the store. He's a hostage. They had him answer the phone with the negotiator called the robbers."

She rose out of her chair in an instant, grabbing her gun and her phone. "I've gotta go. Text me the address and tell Gates, please." Kate commanded as she practically ran to the stairs, not wanting to wait on the elevator.

Kate wasted no time getting to the scene. The sheer number of police on the scene was staggering. Parking down the block, she held her badge in her hand as she approached the police barricade, pushing through the small crowd of onlookers that had gathered to take in the spectacle playing out in front of them. Kate's heart sank as she grew closer to the action. She remembered the feeling she had at the New Amsterdam Bank, she was terrified for Castle, but that was nothing compared to the present, now that they were together and beginning the process of building a life together. She was numb, save for the pounding of her heart, feeling as if it would beat out of her chest.

Stepping into the command truck, Kate looked for the officer in charge. Finding Captain Andrews, she made her way to the man in the small space of the vehicle. "Captain, I'm Detective Beckett with the Twelfth. You have a hostage in there, Richard Castle. Sir, he's my partner." Kate explained.  
Andrews looked at her in shock, "We've got a cop in there?"

Kate shook her head, "No, Sir, a civilian investigator. I'm not sure why he's in there, but he was not on duty. He and I work well together. Is there anything I can do to help?"

Andrews shook his head. "Detective, the best thing you can do is to let us do our job. I know that you want to charge in there, but that isn't going to do anyone in that shop any good. You can stay close, in case we can make contact with your partner again and need intel, but that's it. Give your number to the logistical officer." With that, Andrews ended the conversation. Kate stood there moment, hoping to annoy him to turn around, but to no avail. Seeing a motion, Kate looked over to the other side of the vehicle. Officer Tommy Stone was waving her over.

"You Stone?" Kate asked quietly as she approached the logistical officer.

"Yeah. Listen, I just got off the phone with Javier. He said that Gates is calling the Captain to offer any support they can provide." Stone said quietly, trying not to gain suspicion from his leadership.

"What do we know so far?" Kate asked the man, hoping for any information she could get her hands on.

Stone nodded, and said, "There was a sales associate in the store when the robbers came in. He panicked and ran, and got shot for his trouble. He's gonna make it, but before he went to surgery, he was able to tell us that there were two men, one with a shotgun and the other with a pistol.

"Thanks. Anything else?" Kate asked, hungry for any information.

Stone nodded again, "We learned from the surgeon, the gun's a .45. Mr. Castle is in there with the store owner, Ed Delaney. We were able to call and the robbers had your partner take the call. Since then, we've tried to call back, but there's no answer. They gave us an hour, it's been just 30 minutes. There's been no sound from inside, and the robbers are staying away from the door and windows. All we can see for sure is Mr. Castle. They have him kneeling on the floor."

Kate nodded her understanding, then asked, "So, what's the plan?"

Stone looked to see if he had drawn any attention, and found he had not, and continued, "They promised they would scale back on the cops, so they are gonna pull most back out of sight, but keeping snipers and essential personnel visible. They were going to take them out when they got the car."

"You said they were. Has that changed?" Kate asked, as she picked up on Stone's reply.

The officer nodded, "Yeah, since they've refused their last two calls, they are talking about storming the building, most likely thru the ceiling. Draw them out with gas and acoustic grenades, and take them out when they flee."

"What? The hostages will be killed in the crossfire!" Kate was livid. She had to stop this. Turning, she strode back to Captain Andrews her glare fierce. "Captain, you have to re-think your plan of rushing the store. The hostages will be killed!"

"Detective, get your ass out of my command center immediately. This is none of your concern!" Andrews began to get angry, his voice increasing to a shout as he progressed through his answer.

"The hell it isn't my concern! Castle is my concern, and you're ready to forfeit him! That's NOT gonna happen, Sir!" Kate's voice raised back in defiance at the answer she was given.

"Briggs, accompany the Detective here out of the vehicle. If she tries to come back in, arrest her for obstruction of justice." Andrews commanded the younger uniformed officer. Looking at Kate, he added, "I understand your loyalty to your partner, that's the only reason I haven't reported you to your Captain. Don't make me change my mind." He nodded at Briggs, who pulled at Kate's arm, assisting her out of the vehicle.

Kate stepped down back to the ground, and was instantly overwhelmed with the feeling of helplessness, and she found that she didn't like it one bit. Looking through the windows of the shop, even from this many feet away, she was shocked at what she saw. There, in the room, at the base of the window, sat Rick. His back was to her, but she saw a bit of his jaw every now and again as he stretched his neck. Mostly, he was simply looking ahead, which gave her a clear view of the back of his head. Inwardly, she wished that she could see his face, just once, so she could convey her love to him, even through a look, but that did not seem possible.

The commotion around her shook her from her thoughts. The officers were organizing, checking kevlar and weapon status. They were preparing to storm the building. Her pulse raced as she sent up a silent prayer to whomever would listen to bring Rick back to her safely.

It was horrific to watch, especially feeling helpless. Kate watched the officers silently advance to the rooftop and around the building, seemingly unnoticed. That was until she saw motion in the shop. The gunmen came over to middle of the store where Rick knelt.

Kate's heart slammed against her chest in fear at what would happen next. The gunmen looked panicked, as it was certain they could see and hear commotion, too. Her heart sped up impossibly faster as she observed the pistol gunman behind Rick, and the writer is holding his hands up, clasped behind his head.

Then her world stopped. Without preamble, the gunman fired his pistol into the back of the writer's head, effectively ending his life. Rick slumped forward, his body dropping hard onto the floor face first as he fell, downward into a pool of blood and other gruesome fluid and tissue that once held residence inside her lover's head.

Kate grew paralyzed, and it took her several heartbeats to realize that she was screaming. Gravity became too much to bear, and she sank to the ground on her knees, falling further down onto the ground, tears spilling from her cheeks, the air around her filling with the scream, "Rick!"

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If you haven't already, please read the note at the top of this chapter. We're almost there folks! Give me a few minutes and I'll have the rest of the story posted. Remember, reviews are love! Thanks in advance!


	18. Chapter 18

And here we come to the last chapter. There will be a small epilogue coming shortly. I want to thank each of you for reading my story and for giving feedback, favorites and follows. It has been a real pleasure creating this tale for your reading enjoyment!

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**Chapter Eighteen - Through a Glass, Darkly**

The SWAT teams descended upon the shop quickly, but not quickly enough to stop the murder of Kate's partner, friend, lover, her…her everything. She rose after a few minutes of paralyzing fear and grief, and amazingly found herself charging toward the barricade. She was at a flat run, but found herself physically restrained by Stone, who held her with great force.

"Detective, please. You don't need to see that. You want to remember him in a good way." Stone pleaded with her, trying anything to stop the energy she was expending to free herself.

Moments passed, and she stopped fighting. "I have to be with him. He can't be alone. Please, please let me pass. I love him." Kate begged the officer.

Stone held firm, "I'm sorry, Detective, but I can't let you in there."

Gunshots continued, as the officers advanced into the shop. The shooting was brief, and then silence once again filled the block. More officers advanced into the shop, and soon the radio on Stone's hip sounded that the gunmen were both dead, and one hostage fatality. The other hostage was undetermined.

Kate felt once again that she had been punched in the gut. Tears once again coursed down her cheek, pain ravaging her very being. She relived it all over again. She was sure that she wouldn't survive Castle's death.

Stone put his arm under hers and helped support her weight. "Detective, please, let's go over and find someplace to talk." Looking up, he spotted the coffee shop just a few doors away from where they stood. He led Kate, who had grown quiet, almost catatonic. She was slipping away from reality, it seemed, as she was drowning in grief. Her world just…gone. Stone pulled out a chair, keeping her back away from the street, in an attempt to remove her from the action, in some way.

"I have to pull it together. I have to tell Martha and Alexis. God, how am I going to tell them that Rick is gone?" Kate cried harder at the end, as she spoke.

"We can notify them." Stone offered.

"No. I will. I owe him that. Always." The tears came even harder now. She shook with her grief. A few moments later, the shaking ceased again, her breathing still in fits from the tears. Looking up at the officer, Kate pleaded, "Stone, I…I have to see him. I have to say goodbye."

Stone didn't know what to say. He thought and then stated, "We'll let you do that, but let's do that downtown, once they are able to sort through what happened."

Kate nodded, she was quiet again, slipping into an almost fugue state. How was she going to live without him?

Stone was jolted back from the grieving detective by his radio. "Stone, Andrews wants you back 10-2 at command center now, double-time!"

Stone picked up the receiver and responded, "10-4. I'm on my way."

Standing, he looked at Kate, "Stay here, Ok? I'll come back and get you back to the twelfth." With that he double-timed it out the door.

Kate's mind was racing, although she was silent. She was replaying their life together. From the beginning, when they were paired together by him going to the Mayor, to the moment she realized she loved him, to the time he said he loved her as she was dying, to the moment they gave into their passion and made love the first time. She was there, in that moment, once again. She could feel his touch in her memory, hear the shift in his breathing as they connected physically.

Suddenly, she could swear that she could smell him, his cologne filling her nostrils, and she was there again, in that moment when they were together. She was amazed at how real it seemed. The scent grew stronger, and she could hear him calling out to her as they fell over the edge together.

"Kate."

Her tears fell at the sound of his voice filling her head.

"Kate? Oh God, Kate! Please?"

Kate was overcome, it sounded like he was there with her. Her tears coursed again down her face at the sorrow of this moment, mixed with the happy memory. One that will never happen again.

"Please, Kate. Look at me, please?" The voice was insistent, in a tone that didn't make her think of their intimate moment. She was confused. Surely it was Stone coming back for her. She opened her eyes and looked up, trying to find the voice that called to her, the voice that beckoned her to just look up.

What she saw nearly caused her heart to stop altogether.

Richard Castle stood before her, not a scratch was visible on him. He was alive!

She flew out of her chair in an instant, virtually throwing herself at the love of her life. He caught her as he knelt down at the same time. She felt his solid body, the warmth of his arms surrounding her. This was no mirage. He really was alive and with her.

"I thought I lost you…I…I saw you die. How? What happened?" Kate asked as she struggled to catch her breath.

Rick was overwhelmed, not only by the events of the afternoon, but also by the devastated woman in his arms. Stroking her hair, he took a moment to gather his thoughts, then replied, "Babe, I'm so, so, so very sorry. Kate looked up, noticing the tears that were starting to fall from Rick's eyes, as well.

"That…That was Ed. He owns…owned the jewelry store. He and I went to high school and college together. We looked quite a bit alike. I had came to see him, as I was shopping for a gift for you." Rick reached into his pocket and retrieved the bracelet, the grief overwhelming him, and he broke into tears, himself, Kate followed. The couple held each other as they let their grief out together.

Kate was the first to recover. Pulling back from his embrace enough to see Rick's face, she placed both palms on his cheeks, pulling his lips to hers in a kiss of life, of renewal, of love and hope. She felt Rick's lips respond, his mouth opening to accept her questing tongue, pulling the kiss to a deeper level, reaffirming their love and their hope in the future. Kate was the first to break the kiss. Pulling back again, she paused until Rick opened his eyes to see why she had stopped kissing him.

"Kate?" Rick asked her, to gain her attention.

Kate looked up into his eyes, her nerves getting the best of her, a bit. "Rick…babe…I know that this is crazy, but…marry me?"

Rick smiled and opened his mouth to answer, only to be interrupted by Kate, continuing her argument. "I thought I needed more time, and would move in for now, to be sure we weren't rushing things." She took a breath, and continued, "But today reminded me that we're not sure of how long we have together, and I don't want to waste another minute without being tied to you in every way possible. I want to spend the rest of our lives together. Everything else is just details."

Kate ended her proposal by pulling Rick into a kiss. They stayed, caught up in each other's kiss for a long moment. Rick pulled back this time, asking, "Are you sure?"

Wiping the moisture that was still gathered at his cheeks, Kate replied, "Richard Edgar Alexander Rogers Castle, I've never been more sure of anything in my life."

A smile broke through onto his face as Rick replied, "Well, then. Katherine Houghton Becket, yes, I will marry you. When?"

"Today!" Kate stated emphatically. "I want us to start on the rest of our lives right now.

Rick kissed her softly, "Let's do it." He deepened the kiss, their arms wrapping around each other, pulling themselves as close as possible, sealing the commitment.

Through tragedy, the couple had conquered, and made the realization that together they were stronger, happier, just better overall. Saying goodbye was no longer an option. To be honest, it never really was, as alone each of them would have certainly failed. The tragedy of the day was not easily cast aside, but it did reaffirm to the couple, much like the Boylan Plaza bombing, that life was short, nothing was promised beyond this very moment, and that they were only able to be happy if they let themselves by happy, and that happiness was found by being together.

They had gone through the fire, came out stronger, and more committed to their life together, as a family…always.

* * *

Epilogue to follow!


	19. Epilogue

**Epilogue - Just You and I**

Kate Beckett and Rick Castle did not get married that day.

The momentum dissipated a bit with the fact that they had so much to accomplish, mixed with the lowering adrenaline of the intense life and death moments they had endured. In a blink, in just a moment, when least expected, their lives nearly changed irreparably. But afterwards, what had been left behind had been forever changed, although not irreparably, instead was was altered for the better. The doubts over the apartment, second thoughts, worries over history…none of that mattered in the light of what had just occurred.

Pushing the flood of emotions, past the magnetic pull to one another after Rick sought her out at once from being released from the hellish situation in which he lost his friend, he saw her as his lifeline. There would be time to morn his friend properly, but at that moment, he needed to re-affirm life with the presence of Kate Beckett, the woman whom he already knew would hold his heart for the rest of his life.

But despite the intensity of emotions, the comforting balm of being in Kate's arms once again, and the heartfelt promise of immediate matrimony, Kate and Rick did not get married that day.

They got married the next day.

Judge Markoway met them in his chambers an hour early, before his caseload began. He was surprised, to say the least, but he had known them from the start, and it all seemed fitting. Martha, Jim, Alexis, Lanie, Espo, Ryan and Jennie were all there to witness the couple that had fought long and hard to deny their feelings, finally give into them, and make a lifelong commitment to one another.

Kate wore a simple eggshell tea length dress, her small bouquet of pale pink roses, her bracelet a heavy rope of gold and platinum; a reminder each day of how fragile life is, and how strong love can be, as well. Rick wore a basic black suit, eggshell silk shirt and a silk black necktie. They pledged their love, exchanged rings of platinum and diamonds, engraved with "Always" inside each of the bands, and promised to simply be there for each other, always.

They returned to the Hamptons again, this time though as man and wife. Before leaving the city, they had a nice wedding lunch with their family and friends, and would look at doing a real reception, and possibly a symbolic service later, if they decided to, but for now they were married, and that was enough. Like Kate explained to Rick the day before, they were bound together, their lives legally joined and no one, nothing could come between them now that they had accomplished their union. They both came to a wonderful realization that they didn't have to wait to be together until their lives were fixed and ready; they could be with one another and work as one to fix their lives, together.

There would be time for more communication, more tears and talk about the more unpleasant aspects of their lives, but for now, they were newlyweds, and their honeymoon was about to commence, and in some aspect, never really end. Rick had carried Kate over the threshold, and in that moment, all pain, all negativity was dropped off outside, because right now in this moment, they were ready to love, to make love, to explore their feelings more deeply and to just move closer together in their lives. The present lit the way to the future as they consummated their union, grew stronger together from it, and they could face any challenge and win, as long as they did so together…always.

~Finis~

* * *

And so that brings us to the end of the story. I hope you enjoyed the journey on my take of an episode of one of the most remarkable, maddening, challenging, frustrating shows of all time, the fantastic show, Castle. Till next time, folks! :)


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